Personal introduction blabla - one paragraph
The main question is: How can I embrace vulnerability when performing and what is the effect of it on my performance experience?
To find the answer to this question, the following sub questions were formulated:
- What does embracing vulnerability mean?
- Which aspects of preparing performances might help to embrace vulnerability while performing?
- Which methods might help to embrace vulnerability when being on stage?
- Which things are likely to lead to a convincing, yet authentic performance?
- What is the effect of embracing vulnerability on these things?
The hypothesis of this research that embracing vulnerability leads to performances in which the performer experiences her playing as convincing, yet authentic and feels a deepened connection with her audience. This hypothesis is built mainly on my own experiences and books by ‘dr. Brené Brown’, amongst others ‘Daring Greatly’ (In Dutch: De kracht van kwetsbaarheid)
This research is not about finding the magic solution for performance anxiety. It is not about avoiding vulnerability, but about embracing it. Because I got the insight that embracing vulnerability might be the key to a convincing, yet authentic performance.
Being a musician I want to communicate with my audience, I want to connect with them through music. I don’t want to hide or pretend; I want to be real, I want to take off my mask. This sounds great but feels like standing naked in front of my audience. I feel exposed, I feel vulnerable and I happen not to be at peace with this feeling. I have a hard time handling such an insecurity and it makes me want to run away. To me, being vulnerable is complicated, it makes me nervous; at the same time, when I learn how to embrace it, vulnerability may well be the exact thing I am looking for in my performances. Embracing vulnerability might be key to convincing, yet authentic performances. Taking off my mask won’t be easy, it will require a lot of courage, but it could be worth it.
In this research I aim to find out what (embracing) vulnerability is, how I can embrace vulnerability in my playing and what effect embracing vulnerability has on my performance experience. I will dig into literature and talk to experts in the field of psychology. Moreover, I will take you on a personal journey, I will share with you my insights, struggles and victories. I invite you to have a fresh look at vulnerability, to join me on this journey. And, if you dare, to try embracing vulnerability yourself. Who knows, it might be worth it.
The main question of this research is: How can I embrace vulnerability whilst performing and what is the effect of it on my performance experience?
To find the answer to this question, the following sub questions were formulated:
- What does embracing vulnerability mean?
- Which strategies can help to embrace vulnerability whilst performing?
- Which elements are likely to lead to a convincing, yet authentic performance and what is the effect of embracing vulnerability on these elements?
The hypothesis of this research is that embracing vulnerability leads to performances in which the performer experiences her playing as convincing, yet authentic and feels a deepened connection with her audience. This hypothesis is built mainly on my own experiences and books by ‘dr. Brené Brown’, amongst others ‘Daring Greatly’ (Brown, 2012) (In Dutch: De kracht van kwetsbaarheid)
This research is not about finding the magic solution for performance anxiety. It is not about avoiding vulnerability, but about embracing it. I assume that embracing vulnerability is key to convincing, yet authentic performances.
Purpose: describing the moment that led to this research
“I just finished a class, it didn’t go to plan at all, I was a bit frustrated and tired. It was a class for my main course: saxophone. At a certain moment I played something for my teacher, and he asked: 'Why do you make music?' I replied: 'Wow big question!' I thought for a while and finally said 'If I think about that, and look at it from a distance, then the answer is, for connection. With my music I want to give people room to process something or to just be and enjoy, I want to take them on a journey. That is what I do it for. But when I play, I'm often very busy - I realized when I gave the answer - busy in my mind with all kinds of things. Then I’m more concerned with myself instead of other people.' Then my teacher said: 'Okay this is the key! Go play something for me, let it be about me only.' So, I played for him. It was exciting, a bit scary and felt very intimate, but I went for it. I had no idea how he experienced it, whether he would say it was 'beautiful' or not. I was absorbed by the music, by playing for him and didn't really know how it went. When I was done playing, he said: 'I almost had to cry, goose bumps...' It was such a cool moment. This is it, the key to how a lot of things will 'flow' and won’t be that complicated anymore." 1
When walking on the beach the day after this class, I realized this had been an extremely vulnerable moment. The result of facing this on the moment itself, led to a great result. I got reminded of the work of dr. Brené Brown (who is an American research professor, lecturer and author) and asked myself: was I embracing vulnerability? Was looking vulnerability in the eye what changed my playing so radically? Can embracing vulnerability be key in performing music?
Defining the concept of vulnerability
The word vulnerability comes from the Latin ‘vulnero’, which means to wound, to harm, to hurt, to insult. Vulnero derives from vulnus, which has even more meanings. Not only does vulnus mean wound, hurt, insult or grief, but also punch and even defeat.2
The Oxford English Dictionary says vulnerable means ‘exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally’.
When combining the above-mentioned definitions, we find how we tend to look at vulnerability today. We look at vulnerability as a bad thing, as weakness, or helplessness. We tend to think that showing vulnerability is equal to inadequacy. When I, as a musician, speak about vulnerability in this research, I do not talk about vulnerability as weakness. To share our music with the world, without any assurance of acceptance or appreciation, is vulnerability. To be real, to choose courage over comfort, to take off your mask, is vulnerability. This does mean you will be exposed to the possibility of being harmed, it does mean you might feel extremely uncomfortable and it does mean taking a risk. You might get hurt, but at the same time, vulnerability gives way to creativity, belonging, love and joy. If we, musicians, artists, learn how to embrace vulnerability, we might have a powerful tool to connect with our audiences.