A big part of our discussion was whether there is reason in madness or not. We said it is almost impossible to define madness, to put one general definition on madness. You could claim there is reason in madness, however you can also claim there is no reason in madness; in my opinion it is different in each situation and should be looked upon case by case. We reflected upon words from Shakespeare; 'Though this be madness, yet there is method in't.' In these lines Polonius refers to Hamlet's behavior, saying that even though he is performing mad behavior, there is a reasoning you can detect. Following up, Polonius says that Hamlet's replies are more pregnant than those of a 'reasonable' person, admitting here that there is wisdom inside his behavior.
In our search we looked upon wisdom and knowledge situated in madness; how can we use madness and how it can be purposed in the act of creating. We tried to turn it inside out, look at it from many different perspectives and see what madness actually means; not trying to define it, but figuring out what mad behavior is, what the consequences are, how we as society look at it, how we could possibly change that, what we want to say and how we want to say this.
Another important point was the idea of transformation, when you observe mad behavior, you can observe a transformation in the person; you see somebody change on long-term as well as in the spur of the moment. We took this as an inspiration, to let a transformation happen in the inner world of the performer but also to allow a constant transformation of the materials. During our research I also observed a transformation in Joost's vision on madness. Where before there was a tendency to romanticize madness, now there is a more clear and realistic look. Something that started as relatively unknown and only based on imagination, became a reality with both fascinating and harsh confrontations. I noticed the biggest and most important transformation in Joost's look upon madness after the shadowing journey in a closed mental institution. I believe having seen people with strong mental disorders, gave him an insight in reality while leaving space for imagination.
After having gained these different insights, our dialogue and our way of working changed, it got more depth. I experienced an immediate effect on the work in the studio; Joost started to take out material or props which were representing madness and too narrative; there was a switch from story-telling to looking for certain behavior which is unpredictable, soft, hard, extreme, impulsive, precise and mad. He wanted to make it less romantic and more realistic.
One morning we were talking about judgements and the poison of judging yourself while being on the floor; looking upon your performance from the outside, instead of being in the moment. Joost liked to refer to this self-judgment and hesitation as if you are missing a train. He always told me; there are many trains passing by and I see you almost jumping, but you never hop on, you just let them pass by and once they pass, they are gone, you missed your moment and you have to wait until the next one arrives. He asked me why I always let the trains pass and I told him I was hesitating, it created a split second of doubt and I could feel the moment had passed. He told me yes you're hesitating because you are judging yourself and fearing to do something wrong. He was right, I was judging myself and thinking that I should do something good, or do the right thing, doubting what he as an audience would think. Well that doubt and judgment made me actually freeze, I did nothing and was completely blocked, it created a border to my performative behavior because I was uncomfortable doing something which is considered weird or mad or ugly. The first thing he said to me was; if you are afraid to be weird or ugly on stage, than you better find another profession.
Mad people perform extreme behavior without thinking of being judged, there is no constant pre-meditation of what is right or wrong, they act out of impulse which creates unexpected behavior. Working on madness created for me this freedom to go to extremities, to not care about being judged, but rather standing behind my decisions and performance. I experienced the freedom to play around and I have to say, it was much more fun once I stopped judging or overthinking everything.
This led to the question of Joost 'Is the creative act an act of madness?', and yes maybe it is; maybe performing and creating is an act of madness, may-be. At least I believe a sparkle of madness is essential to create and embody states on the floor.
