The experiment

In this pilot, I will experiment the audience's understanding of the structure of the concert derived from the study of psychodrama and the adherence between the emotions gained from the social interview with Clara and the music chosen. Only one fragment of the entire performance will be performed, addressing one of the elements that emerged in the interview concerning the state of mind of anger. The musical part performed therefore will be the second movement (Largo) by Grazyna Bacewicz's Piano Sonata No. 2. The audience will consist of a group of 5 people between the ages of 20 and 30, professional and amateur musicians as well as people from outside the music world. An audience program containing brief insights will be handed out before the start of the performance to best guide the experience of the performance.The pilot will be structured in three parts, described below: a warm-up, the performance itself, and a concluding moment of reflection

Warm-up: The social element that will be addressed during the performance will be introduced to the audience. Clara's story will be contextualized and made explicit which parts of the narrative will take shape within the performance: the experience of the first night after her father's suicide. The actress, that is, the Auxiliary Ego, will be consecutively introduced, explaining that she will play Clara and explaining how she might also represent each of them, because although they have not all lived through the same kind of experience it is possible to share common reactions and emotions. Finally, it will be explained that the performance ends with a moment of individual reflection made possible by turning off the lights for a minute.

Performance: In this phase, the second movement from Bacewicz's Sonata will be performed while the Auxiliary Ego will represent in mime the first night after the death of the Clara's father, manifesting the sense of oppression. In particular, the Auxialiary Ego will try to bring to life Clara’s testimony from the first night after her father’s death: “I remember being very, very afraid of silence at that time, that is, just in those days immediately following [the event] because actually I like silence in principle, especially when I am well and I am serene I can be silent, whereas at that moment there I could not accept it, I could not be silent. Also because the only time I was silent was when I then went to sleep the same night before I left the next day [to comeback to her father's city]. And I remember that was perhaps the most exhausting and painful time because I couldn't be still, lying down. I didn't sleep practically the whole night because the moment I lay down and tried to think about even trying to sleep, I felt a very strong oppression, that is, I felt like I was being crushed [...] I think for the first time in my life. It's a feeling that I had never felt even at times when it would make more sense to feel it, which is a very great fear of dying, at that moment there I really felt that if I lay still I would die too."1

Reflection. At the end of the movement, the lights will be turned off and the audience will be left in the dark for about a minute. After that, the lights will be turned back on and the performance will be concluded.

Questionnaire:

What did you must enjoy about this pilot?

What did you find less clear during the pilot?

Do you have any advice on how to improve it?

Please share your thoughts on the pilot as a whole.

How complementary did you find the music and the theatrical part to each other?

How well do you think the warm-up gave you the tools you needed to understand the characters and structure of the play?

How did you enjoy the time set aside for reflection?

How did you enjoy seeing a show that dealt with this kind of theme?

Results

This section reports the results of the questionnaire exposing in summary the common and discordant views per topic: comprehension of the social element, structure of the performance, comprehension of the Auxiliary Ego, music and acting, and enjoyment of the performance.  In conclusion, I release a small reflection on the results obtained.

Comprehension of the social element: The topic, although both intense and uncomfortable, was positively received by the entire audience. In particular, the intent to reflect on this complex topic through an artistic performance was appreciated. Part of the audience found it very intense and important to be able to reflect on such strong emotions that we generally do not get the chance to think about enough. It was recommended that the topic of suicide be made very clear before any performance because, for individuals with risky psychological situations, this kind of performance could be very destabilizing. Moreover, concerning this last reflection, it is recommended to make a careful analysis of the terminology to be used in all parts of the performance to make the emotional space of the concert as safe as possible.

Performance structure: The audience enjoyed all three phases of the performance, consisting of warm-up, performance, and reflection. According to some audience members, the warm-up moment is not only useful, but necessary: otherwise the subsequent performance would have been complex to understand. The reflection moment was also engaging, necessary, and intimate: only one audience participant found it an anxiety moment, although he said it helped reflect on the performance.

Comprehension of the Auxiliary Ego: A significant part of the audience understood the role of the Auxiliary Ego and appreciated its acting nature. Other participants, instead, did not understand the role of the Auxiliary Ego from a performative point of view, and couldn’t work out whether it was a role closer to the realm of acting or dance. It is therefore suggested that the role of the Auxiliary Ego be explained more fully during the warm-up, paying attention to what kind of interaction it will have within the performance. One participant suggests the use of a mask for the Auxiliary Ego so that the facial expression is not distracting.

Music and acting: Music was the most convincing element of the whole performance, in fact for many the choice of music was perfectly suited, evoking and supporting the feelings of the story explained in the warm-up. Part of the audience appreciated the complicity between the musical and acting parts. For some, instead, the acting part was not complementary to the musical element, for reasons ranging from the predominance of the musical part to the perplexity of the correspondence between music and gesture. It is recommended that the piano be out of view and that the Auxiliary Ego be played by a character from the dance field.

Enjoyment of the performance: The audience unanimously appreciated the proposed performance, leaving a number of very positive and enthusiastic comments, as can be seen from the questionnaire.

I was very pleased with the outcome of this pilot, because the thing that I cared the most about, which was sharing Clara's story, was one of the elements that convinced the audience the most. It was, of course, also comforting to find that the music chosen and the structure derived from the study of psychodrama proved to be very much appreciated. I think the Auxiliary Ego element was perceived as more difficult than the others for two reasons:

- In re-listening to the pilot, I found that during my presentation in the warm-up, I explained the function of the Auxiliary Ego paying attention to only one of the elements to be explained, overlooking some of the aspects that are necessary for understanding this role.

- Due to time and logistical reasons I was not able to work with my usual partner, so Teresa Gavilli, who gave a wonderful performance, found herself playing a very complex role in a very limited time and on brief notice (which is why I thank her again infinitely).

In the next chapter, I will go on to explain, referring also to the suggestions and answers obtained in the questionnaire, how I intend to construct the whole performance.

Designing the show

The pilot served to reflect on what elements I should focus on when writing the script for this performance to respect and facilitate audience understanding. Below will be discussed the audience suggestions that I decided to take into consideration when constructing the performance. Finally, the structures of the performance and booklet will be presented.

One of the suggestions that resonated with me is the trigger warning concept: considering the vulnerability of the theme, it will be necessary to do a review of the script making sure that all the words used are appropriate for the topic I deal with and, consequently, make sure that in the posters of this performance, the theme is clear so that the audience is properly informed and free to make an informed decision about their participation. Another suggestion is for possible distractions that may divert attention from the narrative: since the musical performance is visually catalyzing onstage, during the recited parts, it will be necessary to turn off the lights on the pianist to keep the attention on the Auxiliary Ego. Finally, the last major suggestion concerns the elucidation of the role of the Auxiliary Ego: it is essential that the functions of this role are well explained and summarized both in the warm-up and the script for the audience so that the public always has the opportunity to check the meaning of the role of the Auxiliary Ego several times in complete autonomy.

The performance will be structured in three parts as the three main emotions that were discussed in the Artistic Translation part of the interview and later studied in the Musical Combination chapter. This is a provisional structure that is purely to understand how I made use of the material gathered within the interview, and to show the importance of the work done in the Musical combination chapter; therefore, modifications and changes may be made during the production work of the performance according to technical needs and narrative fluidity.

• Anger: the corresponding musical piece as seen in the Musical Combination chapter, will be Grazyna Bacewitcz's Piano Sonata No. 2. The performance will open with the first movement of the sonata, which will function as a musical prologue. The first entrance of the Auxiliary Ego will correspond to the development section of this movement, and the feelings described by Clara in the interview will be performed with corporeal movements. This part will chronologically represent the moment Clara receives the news of her father's death. The intervention of the Auxiliary Ego will end with the conclusion of the development of this first movement. Once it is finished, it will be the turn of the first spoken intervention of the Auxiliary Ego, based on Clara's testimonies about the day of her father's news. The second half will represent the first night, and using the same criteria we saw for the first movement, the Auxiliary Ego will gesturally represent the sense of oppression described by Clara (as seen in the Pilot). In the third movement, the Auxiliary Ego will remain present onstage and simulate repetitive actions (such as writing on a desk or moving objects), symbolizing the bureaucratic paperwork carried out and described by Clara as a form of release from anger.
• Dissociation: The music related to this part is the Piano Sonata Op.51 by Mario Castelnuovo Tedesco. In the first movement, the Auxiliary Ego will continue to carry out the same movements performed in the last movement of Bacewitcz's sonata, integrating the aid of light designing (using light effects) and projecting videos of the Auxiliary Ego into an imaginary context, so representing the first detachment from reality and thus the desire for abstraction/dissociation described by Clara. At the end of this movement, there will be the second spoken intervention of the Auxiliary Ego, which in the same manner as the first intervention, will describe Clara's testimony of her need to be distracted, corporeal, and thus her estrangement from the oppressive situation of her father's death. The second movement will metaphorically represent the purple mantle that anesthetizes reality, so the auxiliary ego, after the musical introduction of the second movement corresponding to the first Blues, will retrieve a real purple mantle from the stage and perform a dance choreography. Finally, the third movement will symbolize the episodes of excess described by Clara, so the Auxiliary Ego will represent chaotic movements and at the same time, videos of a chaotic nature will be projected to emphasize the disruption of dissociation.
• Loneliness: This part will begin with the third and final spoken word corporeal of the Auxiliary Ego, where Clara's thoughts concerning loneliness, described in her lengthy statement in the Artistic Translation, will be recited. After that, Gabriel Fauré's selection of Preludes and Nocturnes will be performed as uninterrupted sequence. During this last and long section, The Auxiliary Ego will replicate the drawing gesture performed by Clara during the interview: during the spoken word, long, large white sheets of paper will  have been placed onstage where the Auxiliary Ego can then draw the large blue vortices seen in the interview. There will also be a video shot transmitted in real time of the details of the drawing to make the experience for the audience as immersive as possible. The performance will conclude with the Auxiliary Ego approaching the performer, wanting to symbolize the support of friends and family that has been crucial to Clara's story.

As seen during the Pilot, the warm-up and later reflection sections will be present, making sure that the lights are completely off to facilitate the intimacy that this last section requires. Unlike the booklet delivered to the pilot audience, the script will have this structure:

• Frontpage: as in the pilot's program. Graphics may change and a trigger warning will be added.
• Second page: The text that was previously on the last page of the pilot's script will be inserted here. The precise definition of the role of the Auxiliary Ego will also be added.
• Third, fourth, and fifth pages: Just as in the pilot's program, the repertoire that will be performed will be given on the left side of the program while, on the right side, Clara's narration history will be provided, including insights from the parts acted only gesturally, to have a guide to the performance narration.
• Last page: contact references such as phone numbers and websites for direct contact lines for psychological support will be included.