Ergens tussen de bomen en de blauwe lucht
Zijn?
samen?
Waar het eigenlijk niet kan
Zou dat niet fijn zijn?
en voelen?
even alleen jij en ik
voor heel even
doen alsof dat kan?
voor nu
even nog daar blijven
zo weer terug
maar nog niet
alsjeblieft
nu
even wachten nog
zijn in het niets
dat alles kan zijn
denk ik
vliegen
vrij
Dat alles in het niets
Ik geloof het vol
As we can see in the visualisation of the recording in the audio processing software Movavi Video Editor, the audio of this work Schaduw is composed of different voices, or lines.The following shows the different sounds of each line.
Line 1: sound of the video in café; coffee machine, music, people sound (inside sound), other sounds of the café.
Line 2: 1: birds (outside sound), 2: humming voice line, 3: humming voice line, 4: humming voice line, 5: humming voice line
Line 3: 1: clarinet line
Line 4: 1: clarinet line, 2: clarinet line, 3: birds (outside sound)
I recorded some musical lines that I hummed with my voice. These lines are an imitation of a small part of the music of the sounds from the café. I use it as a kind of echo and by that create a kind of conversation between my voice and the sounds of the café and also with the clarinet line number 1 of line 4. This clarinet line is an improvised melody line inspired on the music cafe line. The clarinet line number 2 of line 4 is a improvised melody line which comes after the word 'zijn'. It runs together with the rhythm of the text. The clarinet line of line 3 is an improvised melody line connecting the word 'verbonden' with the next group of words which starts with 'dat' and by that I express the spoken word in sound. In this way I created a conversation between the different sounds. They intereact with each other.
Simultaneously, through the shadows you get an impression of what else is going on around the conversation. People walking by, for instance. That is outside and I am inside in the cafe. The inside and outside are connected by the shadows of the outside that can be seen on the inside wall. I also connected the inside and outside in sounds by combining inside and outside sounds. Inside sounds that I used are for example; the music in the cafe in the background, sound of people in conversation in the background, sound of the coffee maker. Outside sounds that I used are sounds of birds. Like ‘voorbij lopen’ I expressed through the sounds of a bird that becomes softer and so flies, walks, by.
The process of creating this multimedia work Schaduw felt good and I enjoyed making it, because it felt nice to explore and to experiment with video material, field recorings, clarinet and with recording my text with my voice. I already had created an atmosphere with the video and text and the collected sounds, before I added clarinet sounds. This helped me and inspired me to come up with clarinet melody lines and it felt natural. Creating this multimedia work was a big step in my artistic process of creating a multimedia performance.
In terms of using field recordings, John Cage and Clair Rousay have inspired me in this. Among others, 4’33 by John Cage (1952) made me look differently at music and sound. In the beginning of this performance by pianist David Tudor there are the words: ‘The material of music is sound and silence, integrating these is composing. I have nothing to say and I am saying it.’ The musician does nothing for a certain period of time. He is silent. But in the silence there are unintended ambient sounds present by chance. These ambient sounds become the piece. Sounds from outside included as essential musical elements in his compositions. This expanded my idea of what music could be and inspired me to use sounds from nature in my works. Also Claire Rousay is an inspiration for me. In this example you hear a recorded live performanc of Claire Roussay on December 9 2021 in Kazimier Garden. As you can read in the description of this recorded live performance (2021); ‘Her music zeroes in on personal emotions and the minutiae of everyday life -- voicemails, haptics, environmental recordings, stopwatches, whispers and conversations -- exploding their significance.’ First, you hear sounds of everyday things, noises in a house like creaking doors and walking noises, inaudible conversations, whispering, sound of a river, meditative sounds on piano. And then she asks questions to audience. The audience sometimes responds and sometimes it is a question in the air, without an answer. A question that continues to float in the air. That stays there. Makes one think. And then back to crackling, ticking sounds and piano, paper shuffling. Whispers. Two lines of conversation intermingled. Focusing on one? Can you still follow it? Or do you actually want to hear both? Then another line of conversation. And then electronic sounds. Some sounds are obvious what they are, others leave space for speculation. In Rousay's work I like the sounds that you would not always notice, but are always there, like whispered conversations in the back of the corner, walking noises. It lets me think about what we always hear. It makes me stop and think about the sounds that are all there, every day in your doings. It inspires me. It fits with becoming aware of what we see and hear. I also like the calm and dreamy atmosphere. The use of everyday sounds in 'Schaduw', for instance the coffee machine sounds and whispering of people in the cafe, is directly inspired by Rousay.
A few months later I decided to make the work longer so that people could come more into the atmosphere and stay there for a while. I extended the work by adding some musical and visual elements. The musical lines that I play on my clarinet are in conversation with the other sounds that can be heard.
After creating Schaduw I tried to extend the concept with a photograph, instead of video, and text and sounds. I was walking in my parents’ house when I suddenly saw this lightening and shadow on a wall. I liked the small light in the form of a spotlight from above. I liked how my own shadow blended with the shadows of the wall on the other wall. Then I started thinking about one's shadow and what it looks like, one's outline. And how it moves as one moves, as long as light shines on the person. That I am together with my shadow. What allows me to move? On light? Clouds move on the wind. Do you know it? Do you look at it? Do you listen to it? Who are you? Do you know yourself?
First, I wrote the text inspired on the photo that I took from this shadows on the wall. Then I recorded the text with the recording device on my mobile phone in the garden of my parent's house. By adding this outdoor background sounds and also other added outside sounds like the wind and birds, I managed to connect outside and inside. I wanted to do that because it is about a glimpse from the outside to the inside. I connected the sounds also with the text, like for example after the text: 'Ben je samen' I added sounds of birds. I tried to capture the reflective atmosphere of the text in sound by finding melody lines on my clarinet. Sometimes I move with the rhythm of the text, sometimes I play in the silences between the words and sometimes simultaneously with the words.
I came across a radio piece by Celeste Oram, Question (2019). The radio piece was made for a broadcast in Sisters Akousmatica's 'Cutting Laps' project at the Castlemaine State Festival, Victoria, March 28, 2019. I find it a beautiful work and I like it. She asks questions all the time in the work. Questions on a variety of subjects. The questions make me think. Because the questions are on a variety of topics, I also kept asking myself; what question will come next? Questions that have stayed with me and that I found very interesting were: Can you survive on light? Next week what will you remember of today? What never changes? What do you hope will never change? Have you ever run away? What is your least favorite question? With what part of your body do you listen? What is it we are just talking about? Are you currently or trying to become or might you be invisible? What cannot go or come back?
I find it very interesting that she only asks questions throughout the work. The work reminded me of my first text that I wrote. In this text I also start with a lot of questions that at some point turn into sentences without a question mark. Celeste Oram's work made me realize all the more the power of asking questions and that it can make you think. The work inspired me to use the first part of my first written text in my process in my performance. I would like to stay with the power of asking the questions to let people think about this without giving answers. Therefore, I chose to use only the first part of my text.
Through the work of Oram, I also realized that it is important to think about the lengths of pauses between sentences, because it has an important impact I believe. Oram varies in the length of pauses. Sometimes she moves right into another question. Other times the pauses are long enough to take a moment to reflect on a question. In my work Zien en horen I varied the length of the pauses between the questions inspired on this. What I also find interesting are the transitions from words to sound. First you hear a crackle and then you hear the sound. You also hear crackling first before the sound turns back into words. Crackling of a radio, like switching to another channel. That you have to switch to another channel because her voice is another channel than the other sounds. Sometimes there is still a little crackle heard under the sound, as if you did not find the right channel yet. A little more to the side. Sometimes there is no crackling heard at all, sometimes a lot. In my work Zien en horen I chose to have no real transitions from words to sound, but I do have a video with sounds that fits the words of the text and creates an atmosphere. By making some pauses long enough I give people the time and possibility to 'switch' the attention or to have perhaps more attention in these pauses to the sounds and also visuals of the video. There is a video image with a reflection of a bus. I filmed it in the middle of the city. Do you see that bus? It goes back and forth all the time because I have mirrored the video and so the video is looping during the work. The bus goes back and forth. What exactly do you see? What exactly do you hear? City sounds, subway, people biking, walking by, murmurs. Do you know?
2- Musical experiment of performing the clarinet lying on the floor
After defining the theme and atmosphere I wanted to convey through the performance, I started experimenting and exploring in the use of the different media. I knew I wanted to do something with text, music and visual art, but how and what exactly I had yet to discover for myself. I wanted to still keep an open mind. I did several things side by side during this period, like this musical experiment, playing the clarinet while lying down. This was part of a personal search for ways to liberate myself from the usual relationship to the instrument, consisting in practicing exercises or repertoire with a view to improving my technical skills or improving my interpretation of a work. I wanted to achieve a more organic and different connection with the instrument, and one in which I could feel the quietness and calm that I looked for in the performance. So a way for myself to find this stillness was to lie down on the ground somewhere outside in a quiet place and look up. At the sky, the clouds. A way to find a connection. I was wondering if playing while lying down might become an element in my performance.
Some notes of the sessions;
- In my room.
Feet on the ground, knees up. Playing went pretty easy. Noticed right away: loud noise near my ears, louder than usual. Tired arms quickly. Lay down nicely. Lots of pressure on my head, red. I saw the ceiling and everything upside down and a plant hanging there. I played a bit of pieces that I knew by heart.
- In my room
Playing long notes exercise. A lot of pressure in my head. Tiring. Focused on the exercise. Not feeling very calm.
- In the kitchen of my parents
Random improvised notes and long tones. Soft. If I play loud I feel a lot of pressure in my head because of the blowing. I bent my knees with my feet off the ground, so I could rest my clarinet on my knees. So my arms did not feel tired. I was focused on the sound. Dreamy character. I looked some time to one point on the ceiling, but I also looked around. To some lines on the ceiling and other things that I noticed.
- Kitchen of my parents
Tired arms. My legs were flat on the ground. Looked up to the ceiling. The dark red ceiling. Some lines of the pieces that I play now. This session I felt calmer then in the previous sessions, but still a bit distracted because of my tired arms.
- Outside looking up to the clouds
The sky and the sun were very bright in my eyes, so I played with one eye half closed. I saw the clouds moving. I saw a bird that sometimes stayed hovering in one spot and then flew on. Then more birds came into my vision and they interacted with each other. I heard the wind and I saw the wind in a tree that was also in my field of vision. I played some random long notes. I felt calm and therfore I enjoyed this session. Sometimes I did not play but just looked and listened. I was less distracted by my arms than the day before. I played unconsciously this time. The sounds were soft and I did not play fast notes.
Playing while lying down on the ground is possible. There are some technical issues, like at some point I get tired arms. Sometimes I could concentrate and focus on playing the clarinet and looking at things in my field of vision, like the ceiling or the clouds, at the same time. Sometimes I was more focused on the looking, sometimes more on the playing. In some moments I played more consciously and in other moments I played more subconsciously and improvised. These improvised moments were the moments that I felt most calm.
In the beginning sessionsI found it very difficult to get myself to lie down on the floor and play the clarinet. I thought I still have to study this and do that. I did not quite allow myself that moment on the floor. However, in the last few sessions I noticed that I stayed on the ground a bit longer and that I was less distracted by, for example, my arms being tired and by all the thoughts in my head and the things that I needed to do. I felt more stillness in me. I was more in the moment and I was more in the mindset to play unconsciously and to improvise a bit, instead of exercises or existing pieces. So, by doing this experiment I also learned about myself and about the theme of the performance. After this, I focused more on other things and I did not pick up and continue the experiment later. However, it was a first step in exploring my own sound world.
I took and collected photographs that fit the defined atmosphere of the performance, with the thought in mind that I could use this material in the performance later. At one point I wanted to see what kind of photos I had taken and collected so far. I did this by making an overview on an A2 format poster. It gave me a chance to look at the photos side by side. You see pictures with little details, like shadows, reflections and hidden worlds. It fits with being able to see and to hear again, because of feeling the connection. You see also a lot of trees. Trees have always interests me. I find them beautiful, the shape, the peacefulness.
4- Experiment with creating graphic scores to musicalise texts
How do I want to combine the different media and how will they interact? That was a question I often asked myself. I knew that I wanted to create a deep connection between the different media and that I wanted to create my own sound world. But how exactly, I still had to figure out.
In this experiment I wanted to start creating music to written texts of mine. This seemed like a good starting point for me to experiment with connecting different media. But how did I want to start creating music inspired by a text? It occurred to me that when I make a clay work, for example, I do not just start claying. So I thought about creating an intermediate step between the text and creating music. I tried to turn the text into a graphic sketch with a kind of timeline. A visual intermediate step. During a course I took at the Royal Academy of Art The Hague (KABK), Orientation course; January untill June 2021, I gained experience in making a graphic score and creating music on a graphic score. This inspired me to start experimenting with my own texts. The connection of the visual with sounds. In this way, I worked on three texts and I tried to play on my clarinet with the graphic score in front of me. However, it did not succeed the way I had hoped. Not much came out of me in terms of playing and improsing on the clarinet. After trying for some time I stopped the experiment. I think it was a good experiment in the sense that I learned what did not work. I had come a step further.
6- Experiment creating works with different media:
Schaduw
A multimedia work with visual elements, text and sounds
A few weeks ago I sat in a cafe reading a book while drinking a coffee. Suddenly I saw beautiful shadows on a wall next to me and I started filming them. The video shows the shadows of two people together in conversation, coming together, moving each other, being connected. Overlapping shadows.
Until now, I had defined the theme and atmosphere, I had written some texts and I had taken some photographs. I had also done some musical experiments by trying to improvise and to create music on some texts that I wrote. These were the first steps in exploring my own sound world and connecting different media. The creation of this work Schaduw, however, turned out the be the actual starting point for this.
After taking the video on the shadows on a wall I wrote some words about it in my journal, and after a while, this became a text inspired on this video. This way of working is similar to the process of creating previous works such as Photos and Text 2021/2022, only now I worked with a video instead of a photo. To connect the two media, I recorded myself reciting the text and after that I merged the recorded text together with the video and the sounds of the video itself.
I found it interesting that one can get an impression of a conversation just by the movements of the shadows on the wall without hearing the conversation itself. I also wanted to 'portray' a conversation with sounds.
7- The outlines of the performance
After creating these two multimedia works I started thinking about the outlines of my performance; What will my performance look like? What do I want? When I started with creating the two works I was not totally sure if and how I would use them in my performance. Maybe they were only part of the process of finding my own sound world. However, the more I started thinking about the performance, the more I thought that these works could become a part of my performance. I got the idea to play separate created works, like Schaduw and Glimp, one after the other in one performance connected by the overarching theme; connection. I aimed for a forty minute performance with multimedia works created and played by me; with the media sound (clarinet and field recordings), texts and visual elements and with a installation artwork on stage with the theme connection and the following main lines:
What do you see? What do you hear? Do you know what you see and hear? Do you look? Do you listen? Are you able to? I see a world with hurry, many impressions, crowds, chaos and noise. The world we live in can feel overwhelming. I sometimes lose the connection because of it. The sense of connection with myself, others and the world. How can we keep feeling connection, or find it back when we feel we have lost it, in today's world? Standing still and slowing down as a way? A way to be able to consciously look and listen again. Becoming more aware of what we really see and hear. Hearing beautiful details, rustling leaves in the trees, hearing birds sing. Seeing beautiful details like reflections and shadows. And therefore feel. To feel connection.
To summarise, the purpose of my performance is to invite people to reflect on today’s life. As an artist, I want to make people aware of aspects that I find important in life and therefore can be of value to others too. The theme of my performance is connection. I would like to invite people to think about what it means to them. Whether they feel it or not. Showing my way that helps me continue to feel connection and the value I see in it. I believe that every person consciously or unconsciously longs for connection and needs it. Especially in today's life which can sometimes be overwhelming and for this reason my performance can also be meaningful for spectators. I wanted to do this by combining different media in my own unique way, performing different created works, all connected to each other. In my performance I want to create an image regarding connection that is not yet colored in completely, leaving room for free interpretation by the spectator and that gives something to think about.
I started thinking about what I want to tell in my performance. The following points I want to convey through my performance:
-An overwhelming world with chaos, impressions, noise, impressions.
-Losing connection because of this. Seeing nothing, hearing nothing.
-How can we keep feeling connection or feel it again? By slowing down, standing still.
-Feeling connection, able to really hear and see consciously. Being able to see details again.
The two works, Schaduw and Glimp, fit well with these points. Shadow fits with feeling the connection and Glimp fits with how to feel connection. The two works leave room for own interpretation, which I like about them. Then I searched among the rest of my written texts. I picked out a few texts that I liked and thought would fit; the text Wolken and a part of my very first written text of this project. This first text contains many questions in which I want to invite people to think. An introduction to my topic. Connecting. Feeling connected. With the points in my head that I want to incorporate into the performance, I started creating the following works.
8- The creation of works for the performance
Reflectie
A multimedia work with visual elements, text and sounds
11. the creation of other new multimedia works for the multimedia performance Stilstaan in de wolken
Stilstand
A work with music on my clarinet
In the moment of creating, I was full of sadness and the feeling of being lost. Not knowing anymore. Playing the piano gave me the opportunity to express and to feel my feelings. A way to get out of my head and out of my body. To do something. The work reflects how I was feeling. It originated as two short improvisations on the piano that I then shaped into one work. The work is centered on the note f#; it keeps falling back to that one note as it were. Not knowing it all for a moment and trying to get out of that feeling, but falling back again and again. The first two musical lines are almost identical. I tell something and then I tell the same thing, but in a different way. It reminds me that in writing I also often tell the same thing in different ways. A way for me to give it more meaning. In the work, sometimes there is more movement and other times it is more stationary, solitary note by solitary note. At the end I incorporated a technical exercise, which reminds me of my clarinet studies.
The work is representing the feeling of being not in connection. After creating the music, I immediately found out that I wanted to have only music in this work Stilstand. Not seeing, not heering, not knowing. Just me and my clarinet, my notes, my feelings.
Een wazig zicht
A multimedia work with a visual element, text and sounds
Overview
An overview that helps me keep track of the whole performance. You see the visual of each work in the order I will perform it. I still needed to work on the last work.
I wanted to create a final work and end the performance with a work entirely about the feeling of being in connection. My December 29 visit to the Stedelijk Museum also helped inspire me in terms of atmosphere for my final work. Amy Suo Wu and Elain W. Ho - Stedelijk musuem Amsterdam, visit on Dec. 29 ; 'The installation radio SLUMBER began as a series of informal gatherings during the winter of 2020. At the onset of the pandemic, they provided a protective environment to discuss personal, pressing issues and nurture trust and intimacy in the process. It resulted in a series of radio broadcasts, or seances, and an online guide advocating calm, self-care and gossip as informal formats for producing new knowledge. Elaine W. Ho and Amy Suo Wu used this intimate space, with its warm fabrics and bed sheets, to look beyond the capitalist way of thinking. In this context, relaxation becomes a form of resistance, and self-care can be seen as a political act. By installing their shelter here and sharing the broadcast material with us in the form of a soundscape, they invite us to sit down, and reflect on the political power of friendship. ' This work fits with the theme and atmosphere of my performance about connecting with yourself, the other and the world. That in these times it can be of great value to advocate for peace and self-care. They want to invite people to reflect and sit back, reflect on the power of friendship and rest and relaxation. With my performance, I also want to invite people to reflect on connection. This work remembered me of a memory of a moment. A moment when you walk straight towards a stranger on the street and that stranger walks towards you and you have to choose whether you pass him on the left or on the right. And then that person chooses the same side and you think oh other side and he thinks the same and then you both come to a halt in front of each other. A smile appear and then part ways again. Little moments that can make your day and stay with you. Details. Beautiful colors. A blossoming gaze. Being open to what is around you. Seeing and hearing. Being able to look and listen. Connected. Moving and standing still in balance. I wrote a text with this moment in mind. I created the visuals in the summer. I thought it fit well with a blossoming look with all the beautiful colors and nature. For this work Een opbloeiende blik I created cheerful peaceful music lines inspired on my text and visuals. It is based on one music line that I came up with.
Performing Stilstaan in de wolken in Studio Loos on the 12th of February was a special, beautiful and memorable moment to me. It felt good and nice. I was in a fine flow and the performance felt like a whole with fine transitions between the works. Because I recited the texts by heart it could make more contact with the audience and that felt good. Afterwards I had a conversation with people from the audience and people could leave a comment in a book if they wanted to. A few reactions:
'I found the most beautiful moments when you played in such a way that I could hear and feel myself, the others and my surroundings. And there were many of those kind of moments!'
'I am completely at peace. The stillness ... that is something that happens very little and something we should do more often. Beautiful how you made me aware of that again.'
'I enjoyed your texts, your questions and your presence. The attention what you give in the notes, very much enjoyed that. Look forward to hearing and seeing more from you.'
'So soothing and vulnerable and so you. Feel like I got to know you even better through this. So beautiful how you managed to make that tangible in this performance.'
'Wonderful! Really beautiful how you can connect image, text and music. I really feel like I was allowed to see a piece of you. To see and hear your thoughts. So beautiful that you see so much beauty in the little things of the world. I hope to see many more beautiful things from you.'
'How super nice to see how you look at and reflect on everything, and turn that into a message. Super inspiring, beautiful and vulnerable! From now on I look at the clouds differently.'
'You were breathtaking! And so vulnerable and intimate, it made me nervous myself at times. Beautiful music and beautiful photos. Favorite moment; Chair on ice and the curtains, with this I can identify myself the most.'
The collages are about; Seeing. Not seeing. Eyes covered. Chaos. Connection. Feeling. Distance. Together. Alone. Stuck. Free. It also fits with the following text I wrote about seeing:
In this text I tried to express everything that kept me busy and the ideas that wandered in my mind. It is about how we look at things, how I look at things. What do you see? A lot of questions. The text is about how I feel. The world feels overwhelming to me sometimes. It is about connection and how to feel connection. About me losing the feeling of connection. How can I keep feeling the connection when I feel overwhelmed?
The text made things clearer for myself. To get it out of my head on paper. I did not exactly know how I wanted to use the text, but it was a starting point for what I wanted to tell and convey with my performance. Because the text is long, I wanted to clarify the main topics for myself. I did so by making the following mindmap with some keywords. You see many words that are counterparts of each other.
I have written texts inspired on the atmosphere, also with the thought in mind that I perhaps could use them in my performance.
A few examples:
5- The theme; connection
During the same periode I wrote about the theme of the performance.
An overwhelming world with so much business, chaos, noise, haste. That is what I see and feel. High tempo of life, everything goes so fast. I still have to do this, to do that, and also that and this. So busy with running. Running to catch a train. Hurrying from one place to another. Chaos on the streets. So many people and traffic. Crisscrossing in all directions. So much noise. So much to do, so many expectations, obligations. So busy that I feel chased. Stream of thoughts in my head without stopping. Not knowing what we see and hear, because we see and hear so much. I lose the connection. With myself, the world, the other. The performance will be about how to find back the feeling of connection. Standing still and slow down in a world of busyness, chaos and noise as a way? By, for example, lying on the ground and looking up to the clouds. Becoming more aware of what we see and hear. Looking and listening better. To details. To sounds in the silence, to visual details. Standing still in all the movements around us.
I found out that everything that I wrote and thought about during the process came back to connection. Generally, connection is defined as; 'A relationship in which a person or thing is linked or associated with something else' (Oxford Languages), 'State or fact of being connected; to bind, tie” (Online Etymology Dictionary) or 'The state of being related to someone or something else' (Cambridge dictionary). In a way, everything in the world is connected, but not in the specific way that I wish for it to be connected. For me, connection is something that you feel. A feeling. A specific type of feeling. It is warm and trustful. When I feel this form of connection I feel in harmony with myself and I feel what I feel, see what I see, hear what I hear. This feeling is vulnerable, fragile and invisible. Yet, it is also visible. It is visible in the eyes. The energy of someone. The extent in which someone shines. In the way people look and interact with each other. In how someone interacts with nature. Connection is like a cloud. It is intangible but visible. Sometimes there are more clouds and we feel more connections than other times. This is what clouds represent to me. Haemin Sunim is a Korean Buddhist monk who gives insights and advice on finding points of rest in our modern, busy life. He is an inspiration source for me. In his book The things you can only see when you slow down, Hunim (2012, 120) gives a beautiful description of how connection can be seen just by looking at the air: 'The air I inhale enters my body and becomes part of me. The air that I exhale moves into someone else and becomes part of her. Just by looking at how the air moves, we realize we are all connected to one another, not just figuratively but also literally.' The air connects us all. This passage inspired me to work with the sounds of moving air.
Sunim (idem, 11, 12) says: 'What our mind focuses on becomes our world. The world is experienced according to the state of one's mind. ‘ I think, the overwhelming world we live in makes it hard to keep feeling the connection sometimes. We tend to focus on our busy schedules of the everyday. On things that at the end of the day do not really matter at all. We feel the busyness and chaos in ourselfs. However, I believe if our mind feels calm, the world will, too. Slow down as a way to give our mind the possibility to become calm? And to find back the feeling of connection? For me, connection makes life valuable. Or like writer Michael Pilarczyk in Je bent zoals je denkt (2021, 131) says: ‘See the great life that lurks behind the delusion of the day and see life moving toward fuller expression.’ Pilarczyk writes about self-awareness, spiritual growth and personal success and inspires me too. I think everyone longs for connection, is looking for connection and needs the feeling of connection. I believe we can find back the feeling of connection by slowing down and standing still. Standing still in the literal sense, to unwind. Not running but standing still. To go back to the now for a moment. And by feeling the connection being able to see and hear again. Seeing the clouds. Hearing the silence. Silence in the clouds. The silence is not silent. There is always sound. We are never standing completely still. We are never completely silent. Sometimes there is more sound than other times. Sometimes there is one sound predominant over all other sounds. Then we do not hear the other sounds until we either focus really well or that one sound suddenly falls away. Hearing. Noticing all the sounds we hear every day that you do not nromally notice. Being touched by all the beautiful little details and small things, for example, a flower in a surprising place. Or like Pilarczyk (2016, 88) says in his book Master your mindset; ‘Being touched by the small things that can make such a deep impression precisely because of their simplicity. And so valuable. I can enjoy intensely when I look at the sea, the sun shining on the water. It can make me infinitely happy. Doing nothing but being. Feeling everything very deeply. From love.' If I can see beautiful little details, I know that I feel connection. I believe that my emotions and how I feel is related to feeling the connection or not feeling the connection.
As we can see in the visualisation of the recording in the audio processing software Audacity, the audio of this work Glimp is composed of different voices, or lines. In the following I discuss the sound of each line.
Line 1: Text with background nature, including mainly birds
Line 2: hummed musical voice lines, merging with the clarinet
Line 3: Birds, birds, wind with birds, wind with walking sound, birds
Line 4: clarinet
To me, birds represent the sky. They can fly. Along with the wind. Free. Also, when I hear birds I have the feeling of being together, not alone. They bring a calm atmosphere. Listening to the conversations they have. How they come flying in your field of vision and disappear again. Or sitting still. Gives peace like a warm ray of sunshine.
I added wind with in mind the thought that the moving air connects all of us, clouds that move on air.
I see the humming voice lines and the played lines on the clarinet as me and my shadow.
I also tried to extent the concept by adding musical lines on the clarinet throughout the whole text. In the beginning this was challenging, because I did not quite know where to start. In the work Schaduw I only added some musical lines during the text. It felt all different from creating one coherent whole of musical lines which at the same time connected to the text. By trying and experimenting what worked well and what did not work well, I created the music eventually. I found musical lines through experimenting on the piano and on my clarinet and also by humming with my voice. Lines that sometimes come in my mind, for example, when I am biking. I collected them by recording them on my phone. I listened them back and sometimes I could use it.
I was just walking through the streets and there were many puddles of water due to the rain. At one moment, I saw a beautiful reflection, which I captured by filming it. It also inspired me to write a text regarding to connection. Rain that connects above and below. Clouds as connection, which sometimes falls apart into rain. Losing the connection. However, the rain ends up in a puddle of water and the drops of water are coming back together there. They are connected in a new form. Unique twists and turns are visible again by feeling the connection; the waves in a puddle of water. As wonderful details can also be observed above; the outline of the clouds above us. The tree is standing for the connection between high and low; roots in the ground and branches in the air, which all come together in the trunk. It is just how you see and look at something. Sometimes you lose the feeling of connection, but then you find it back again in beautiful new places. We see and hear more again. As long as you get to know yourself and do and go where suits you.
In the process of creating this work Reflectie I explored the representation of feeling no connection by the use of repetitions, I explored the connection between field recording sounds and the sounds that I produced with my clarinet, and I explored the connection between the words of the text and the audible sounds.
Sometimes we feel no connection and because of that we see little and hear little. When we feel connected we see and hear more and more. I reflected this in this work Reflectie by the use of repetitions. Repetitions representing no connection; only seeing one thing; seeing little and hearing little. The sound of rain, that is audible in the whole work, is the repetition of the same movement and thererfore representing the feeling of no connection. Besides, in the first sentences of the text there are repetitions audible in pitch. Further on there are also repetitions in the text itself; 'Zie jij dat, hoor jij dat, zie jij dat.' The only difference is that I emphasize a different word in each sentence. In addition, there are repetitions to be seen and heard in the images. The work starts with no video image and then at a certain moment there is one image with the connected sound to this image to be seen and heard on repeat. After a while, from the word 'kronkelingen' in the spoken text, all three video images are present. So over time there are more and more new sights to be seen and heard in the work. We feel more and more the connection.
I came across the piece Doppelbelichtung composed by Carola Bauckholt, which inspired me to experiment and explore the connection between field recordings and sounds that I produced with my clarinet . In this work Bauckholt composed music for violin and electronics where the violin imitates birds. After about six minutes the violinist Karin Hellqvist plays along with a sample of herself playing as a bird. She interacts with the 'other' birds that are in fact all played by herself. It becomes one whole. Different birds at the same time. I like how the composer finds a way to make the violinist become a bird herself, how the violin voice starts talking to the 'other' birds, and how she becomes one with a bird at a certain point. I like the atmosphere and I am inspired by how the composer transposed the sound of birds in instrumental sounds and how the different voices come together so beautifully. It inspired me to play and imitate sounds from nature on my instrument and to make a conversation with these recorded sounds from nature. I wanted to add rain sounds for sure. I added one long shot of recorded rain sounds audible throughout the work. In this way, I also attempted to create cohesion between the short repeating video images. I got inspired to imitate raindrops on the clarinet, which the text is also about. Different drops just flying through the air together. I did not end up with a precise representation of raindrop sound. However, I came up with my written music with this idea in my head. I ended up with four notes at different pitches with at each note a decrescendo, representing the different drops. Simultaneously, the pitch goes down each time, as rain goes from high to low.
At some point in the work there are the following words; ‘Zien we dat daarboven hier beneden'. I tried to express this in sound by a musical line where above and below come together as well. I attempted this by making the intervals smaller and smaller and by that letting top and bottom come closer and closer to each other. Two voices that become one voice by coming together in the middle. Like I said before, the spoken word 'kronkelingen' is standing for being able to see details, because we feel connected. I also attempted to express this in sound, and by that connect text and sound, by creating twists in the sound of the video images. I created twists by adjusting the dynamics from each video image and by that waves are audible in the sounds.
On an evening I went to a nice concert with a friend. Walking on the way to the exit, I noticed a beautiful detail. At that moment I felt nice and I was able to notice this detail. I started brainstorming about creating a work with these images and making the following mindmap helped me do that. I wrote down what came into my mind when seeing and hearing the video footage. There is much to see in the images. Many directions. Many people. Many sides. Walking 'over' each other. Many impressions. Multiple lines of sight. A collage. Chaos. Many directions. What do you see? What do you hear? Do you understand what you see and hear? Do you enjoy it? Or does it give you discomfort? Restlessness. Not knowing what you see and hear, because you see and hear so much. What is your pace of walking? Slow? Fast? Forwards? Backwards? How do all these people feel? Do they feel connected to the space? With the people around them? With themselves? Do they know which way they are walking? Upstairs? Downstairs? To the right? To the left?
9. Try Out of the multimedia performance on the 30th of October 2022 including the works: Bewegende richtingen, Zien en Horen, Reflectie, Wolken, Glimp and Schaduw
On the 30th of October, 2022, I gave a 25-minute Try Out of the multimedia performance including the multimedia works I had created so far for the performance. In this performance six works, Bewegende richtingen, Zien en Horen, Reflectie, Wolken, Glimp and Schaduw, were heard and seen. I found the artwork, Wolk, that I created for my performance Bewegen in de veranderingen, also fitting with the atmosphere of this performance and therefore I used it in this Try Out performance. Eventually, I wanted to create an artwork specific for the final performance. I thought about how I wanted to present my works and made a plan for this. I projected the first work on the wall and I myself was sitting in the audience. Then, in the works without clarinet I recited the texts live and in addition the other sounds came from a speaker. In the works with composed music for clarinet I played the clarinet live and in addition the text with the other sounds came from a speaker.
After the performance I had a conversation with the audience and we talked, among other things, about what the performance meant for them, how the different works spoke to them and how they felt about the connection between music, art and text. Some reactions in the conversation:
In these hectic times, this performance gives peace of mind. The texts make us think. So soothing, almost meditating. Very sensitive and special. I also really liked the moving directions. I thought what suits me best? Do I go down stairs or not? Coming back again and again. Men kept going to table. People down stairs. Very special all these different art forms together. Very nice, wonderful. The atmosphere, the care, the way it was brought. Very atmospheric, beautifully presented, but such a pity that I could not really hear the texts sometimes. Maybe it is the intention, that you do not always have to understand the texts exactly, that it is more about the atmosphere.
For myself, the transition from one work to another did not feel really comfortable. I had the feeling that the gaps between the works were making it less of a whole. However, this could also just be my feeling. For the audience the transitions did feel natural, they told. However, it is something to think about. The combination and balance between music and text is something I will think about too. It reminds me of the Claire Rousay example I mentioned earlier. Where two lines of conversation are audible at the same time. Can you focus on both? Or only one? Or on no one? What do you want? What is the purpose of Claire? If I combine text and clarinet sounds and other sounds, do I want people to focus on one or the other? Or on both? Does it matter if they focus on one? Or switch? Does it matter if they cannot totally follow the text? Is one more important than the other?
I find it interesting; the relationship between words and music. Often in my work, I combine and connect the two media. What is a good balance? Do I find both equally important in my works? The questions by composer and philosopher Leo Samama (2014, 47) also let me reflect; 'Who has the upper hand, the words or the tones? Who is subservient, the language or the music. The music supports the word and provides additional meaning? By what is communication established, by words or tones? When do we remember more from words and when from music? Are the two equivalent or not?’. I often create the text/words first and then I create the music. But not with the idea that music is inferior compared to the text, nor that text is less important than the music. In my works, I tune the music to the text, rhythmically and in terms of the meaning of the words. The music is inspired by the text and by the atmosphere of the visual. Samama (idem, 49) states, '...That music creates its own language within its own conditions, that in this it is also purely introspective, it is exclusively about itself. Others feel that music is directly linked to the linguistic or concrete world and should give expression to it.' I try to express in music the feeling behind the word and the meaning of the word. I believe the beautiful thing of music is to be able to express the unsaid, that what is hidden behind the words. I strive for a good balance and connection between the text and music, where they are in tune with each other and they both reinforce each other. The music has a deep connection with the text and image in my works. It does not go by itself. It is not separatable from the rest. The text and music overlap quite some times in my works. Sometimes the clarinet gets louder than the text. The tendency for people is perhaps wanting to understand the text, but that is not necessarily always my goal, because it is also quite dense and sometimes also just nice to be there.
I wrote this text on a night when I did not fall asleep yet. I saw a photo that I took that day and I got inspired to write a text about it. I wrote it in a short time. There is a deep connection betweeen the text and what you see in the picture. Still in blurred vision. Could not see anything for a while. The curtains were closed and I wanted them to open again, so I could see again. About what I were seeing at the time, nothing, and what I wanted to see, details. Do I had to open the curtains myself? Many thoughts. Monologue to myself. No one responding but myself. Do we still get it?
I thought about the transition to this work Alles en niets. I was thinking about something that matches around it, like a frame of a painting. Perhaps more silence before I start speaking of even before the photo is present. To do something with the time. Silence or, for example, by an accumulation of noise before the image appears. Maybe include sounds of a lot of cars in a city? As a contrast. I were standing still and everyone around me was moving so fast. And all those cars as all those fast thoughts passing in my head? Even skating, everyone is moving fast. When you are on laying on the chair not. You are standing still for a moment. I ended up with a field recording of me walking out of the train on the station. First there is a lot of loud noise of the train and then I flows over in sounds of walking people and then in turns into silence. Wich also matches the text. At some point I say 'of lopen ze voorbij?' and then you hear more and more the sound of people walking. It made me also reflect about all the transitions from work to work. I already created more frames around the works, so the transitions would feel more natural during the performance. I did this by extending the field recordings a bit and by creating silences in between the works that give the people some time to let the work sink in. To make the transitions smooth, I created one long video with all the silences already in it. Also, this way I did not have to communicate with another person during the performance.
The artistic process of creating the multimedia performance
Stilstaan in de wolken
Building upon earlier performances such as Gaan, Bewegen in de veranderingen and on Photos and Text from 2021, I attempted to create a new performance in which I do not only play repertoire, as I had done until now, but where I explore my own sound world. I attempted to find and create a personal language in which I combined and connect tones, words and visual art in my own way, even more than I did until now; my own language of confluent tones, words and visual art. By that, I aimed to reach an even more fulfilling form of artistic expression.
The process was intricate and included much experimentation. Some of the experiments made it to the final performance, others served to feed my reflection. In what follows, I discuss these different experiments, including:
- how I defined the theme and atmosphere of the performance using collages, mindmaps, moodboards and text creation;
- musical experiment performing the clarinet lying on the floor, which goal was to improvise and find other connections to music than existing repertoire;
- exploration of creating materials for the performance including photos and texts;
- experiment creating graphic scores used to musicalise the texts;
- writing about the theme
- experiment creating works including different media
- writing about the outlines of the performance
- the creation of multimedia works for the multimedia performance
- Try Out of the multimedia performance on the 30th of October 2022 including the works: Bewegende richtingen, Zien en Horen, Reflectie, Wolken, Glimp and Schaduw
- Stilstaan in de wolken: first conceptual phase
- the creation of other new multimedia works for the multimedia performance Stilstaan in de wolken
- performance Stilstaan in de wolken at Studio Loos on the 12th of February, 2023: analysis and documentation
1- Defining a theme and atmosphere (collages, mindmaps, moodboard and text)
What do I want to tell and say and convey with my performance? In order to discover what I want to convey with my performance, I started making collages, writing a text, making a mindmap, making a moodboard. With this I tried to create an atmosphere for my performance. It helped me to order my mind and to get things out of my head and to make it visible and clearer for myself.
The next moodboard is a kind of summary of the text before about seeing, elaborated with photos that I found online, in platforms/social media like Pinterest. I made it to catch the main aspects in one overview. It helped me to make it clearer for myself. There are photos visible of people who are looking up to the clouds. Lying on the ground and by that standing still in all the movements around us. In the chaos. What do you see? Seeing nothing, but fog.
I came up with the idea to create a work showing a world of chaos. An overwhelming world with chaos, impressions, noise. That is what this work Bewegende richtingen is representing. I felt that the images already say so much. Therefore, I chose to add no words. I wanted to create a work with images and sound. I started with the visuals. I had three images of a few seconds. Each video goes slightly further in time and, at the same time, each image overlap partially in time with the other. Over the course of the work I wanted to show more and more hustle and chaos. Therefore, I chose to slowly introduce the three images at first and to alternate between them more and more throughout the work. In this scheme of numbers you can see how I did that:
9 1 3 2 2 3 1
9 1 3 2 2 3 1
9 1 3 2 2 3 1
9 1 3 2 2 3 1
6 1 3 2 2 3 1
3 1 3 2 2 3 1
1 1 3 2 2 3 1
The numbers are standing for the frequency of repetitions of one video image and the three different colors are each standing for the three different video images. I started with one video image in which I chose to repeat the image nine times and after that I wanted to introduce the next video image. However, I wanted to have a transition between the two different video images in which I gradually move towards the next image. In the transition I show one time the new video image and after that again three times the previous video image, then two times the new video image and after that two times the new video image, and then three times the new video image and one time the previous image. Then I show the same cyclus with the second video image and the third video image. After I introduced all the three images, I started alternating between them more and more with less and less one image in the foreground by making the repetions less. The transition are becoming equally important from that point. In doing so, I attempted to create more chaos toward the end. The many repetitions already create a chaotic sensation, in my eyes. It chops up the image each time. By alternating the three images more and more I tried to create even more chaos. The work stops at the high point of chaos.
After working on the visuals I started thinking about the sounds. There are a lot of moving directions to be seen in the images. I also wanted to have moving directions reflected in sound. At first I had thought of creating one chaotic melody line with representative moving directions on the clarinet. However, I was looking for even more connection between image and sound. I got the idea to reflect the moving directions of the image in sound, by playing along with the different walking tempos of people that can be seen in the image. For each of the three images, I imitated and recorded different walking tempos on my clarinet of people that can be seen in the images. For the first video, I imitated walking paces of three people on my clarinet. For the second video I imitated four paces, and for the third video, five paces. Throughout the work I make it increasingly busier and more chaotically, by adding more and more of my recorded imitated sounds of those walking paces of people played on my clarinet. In this way I also want to make people more and more aware of all the different walking paces of people; fast or slow, regular or irregular. However, at some point, there is so much to hear that you can no longer distinguish the different walking paces, chaos.
To connect with the sound of the video itself, I played the different tempos on clarinet on the pitches that already appear in the sound of the video itself. I gave the people walking above in the video one pitch and the people walking below another pitch. In the third video, all the sounds are in the same pitch because that is the only one that occurs in the video;
In what follow you can see which walking paces of people that can be seen in each video I recorded on my clarinet, on which pitches, and how I increasingly added more of those sounds throughout the work:
Video 1. sound of video: d and c
walking pace woman. D d d
girl below. C c c
woman underneath. C c c
Video 2. sound of video gis and a
Boy above a
Girl down gis
Man down gis
Man upstairs a
Video 3. sound of video bes
woman up right
man down right
man down left
boy down right back
man down center
9 1 3 2 2 3 1 9: 1 walking tempo at a time at transition 1 different each time each different 3 2 1
9 1 3 2 2 3 1 9: 1 at a time
9 1 3 2 2 3 1 9: 1 at a time
9 1 3 2 2 3 1 9: 2 walking tempos at the same time at the transition choose 2 and 1 tempo at each different
6 1 3 2 2 3 1 6: 3 at the same time transition 3 and 2
3 1 3 2 2 3 1 3: 4 at the same time transition 3 and 3
1 1 3 2 2 3 1 All simultaneously at every 4
So the video images contain sounds. I wanted to emphasize these sounds, by humming them with my voice. I also interact my humming sounds with the sounds of the video itself, by humming them sometimes simultaneously and sometimes as an echo, for example. I also let those recorded humming sounds 'walk' their own pace during some transitions between one video to the other, to connect those two videos.
In addition, I added staircase sounds. This because there are stairs to be seen and people are walking down the stairs and I thought this would be a nice addition to reflect this in sound. One time I recorded myself walking quickly up the stairs and the other time I am walking back and forth on a few steps. These recordings appear at random times in the work so that they are not predictable.
I enjoyed the process of making this work Bewegende richtingen. For me, it felt just like making a clay work. First comes the basics and then more and more layers are added. More details. The work toke more and more shape. Or like making a collage, for example, where you keep adding something. At some point the work felt like finished and done.
The work was written in the same period as Stilstand. It is about the period of standing still and the tears that preceded it. Standing still as a way to reconnect with myself and then with the world and the other. Finding myself without connection. Crying. Gives a blurred vision, hard to see, but they are powerful. Not knowing which way I want to go and can go and am going. First stand still and rest and let the tears dry up after which the vision will naturally be better. About letting go of everything. The power of standing still. Do tears split in different directions. Standing still and letting go eventually brings my own direction. And I know above all else where I want to go. Stays that visible. Eyes so loudly speaking. Like tears. Blurred vision due to tears in eyes, or for example because of fog or through a window.
When I wanted to write the music on the text I dealt with the following points; I wanted to feel the music maybe a little less connected to the text, because it is about not being connected. More like an autonomous line. I also wanted more longer musical lines instead of in Glimp, for example, many loose short lines. I also wanted to add more range because I have not added that much range so far. Also standing for the many emotions. I asked myself the following questions. What words do I want to have reflected in the music? Do I want the music to be on the rhythm of the text? Or at least aligning? Or not at all? In the end, the music feels like it manouvers a bit between the words; sometimes more connected to each other than other times. I created the entire music on the piano with the clarinet in the background in my head. I made some notes during the making process about possible options for musical lines, which are visible in the picture below.
I thought about if I wanted to add field recordings or not. Perhaps a stream of water flowing? Or droplets? Or nothing, hearing nothing and seeing nothing, because I am not feeling connected. I decided to add no field recordings.
11. Performance Stilstaan in de wolken at Studio Loos on the 12th of February, 2023: analysis and documentation
The weeks before the performance I spend on practicing the whole performance with all the aspects. I thought about the duration of the silences between the works and where I would stand in relation to the projection and the artwork. The week before the performance I did a try out of the performance at Studio Loos, on the 5th of February. I projected the visuals on a white wall. The projections were bigger than me and I tried to find out good positions in relationship to the projections. After the try out I found out that I like the position where I am a bit in front of the projection. In that way, I am a bit inside the projections. Otherwise, it would be the video and me and now it is me in the video. I believed I would feel more comfortable when I put myself as a kind of something that is in the room following the movements of the video. Therefore, I also adapted different positions. Sometimes I would stand on the left and sometimes on the right. I tried to find a bit of a choreography that makes sense for me and so I am not static. I had not always enough time during the transitions from one work to the other. So after the try out I made the silences longer.
During the try out I walked sometimes to another position during the silences between the works. However, I did not like that, because I wanted to let the silences be more silent. During the performance on the 12th I walked sometimes during the work while I was playing and sometimes in between the works. But, when I walked in between the works, I first let the silence be there for a while before I started walking. I tried to make the silences be part of the whole as well as cleaning my clarinet and walking; all in the atmosphere of the performance. During the Try out I had a stand for my papers with texts. However, I did not like this music stand as visual thing to be there. So I decided to memorize the texts by heart.
I wrote the text in the very beginning of my process. The text is about my own experiences. About losing a or the connection. Connection that was beautiful, or maybe seemed beautiful, but in the end was not or it was not what it seemed. However, losing a connection could create space. Space to move with the wind. I felt that the atmosphere of the work fit the performance, so I decided to work with it.
The piece A very valentine by Kalea (2021) has inspired me regarding the possibilities of sequences of words. A Very Valentine is based on Gertrude Stein’s poem Very Valentine. First there is one voice, then two voices that are mixed. They say something different. Then 3. They repeat and repeat. Interesting. The intonations. They go faster and louder and more aggressive. Then they whisper. Sometimes laugh sometimes cough. Silent with sometimes words, which are spoken louder in between. Rising line. Half singing. Talking very fast. And then suddenly silent for a few seconds and then one person starts playing and then the others too. Big music part without text that connects. With also repetitions, which are also present in the text a lot. I like the different voices and lines mixed together, the beautiful whole, the difference in dynamics, tempo, intonation, sometimes half-singing, sounds like coughs and laughter, and the music connecting nicely. In A Very Valentine, they repeat many words. Sometimes in sentences, sometimes in random order of words. This inspired me to tell a certain sentence, ‘maar nu toch ook zo ver weg’, in different ways. I wanted to give people a chance to think for a moment about what was said and to introduce a totally different way of speaking. By changing the word order each time, there is not always a logical word order for a logical sentence and I like that. It fits with not knowing and understanding it all for a while. Losing the connection. It gives perhaps also the possibility for less trying to understand what I say for a moment. I added musical lines on the clarinet in this intermediate section. Musical lines with the feeling of pain. The feeling of losing the feeling of connection. The text and music are merging together and are equally important. After this intermediate section there is a continuation of the first part of the work with text. I added a video where I filmed the clouds changing from light to dark, which fits with the text.
10. Stilstaan in de wolken : First concepual phase
After creating many parts of the performance already, I wanted to start brainstorming about the title of the performance. While brainstorming I made mindmaps and a moodboard that helped me to visualize it and to order my thoughts. So in short, my performance is about; an overwhelming world and therefore losing connection, by losing the sense of connection not seeing and hearing, standing still as a way to find back the feeling of connection again and therefore being able to see and hear more again. The purpose of my performance is to invite people to reflect and think about whether they feel connected or not. I came up with the title; Stilstaan in de wolken. One way of standing still for me is to look at the clouds. Being in the clouds represents being happy, feeling connected. Coming from; having your head in the clouds. When standing still in the clouds you stay there in the clouds, so you stay connected. I thought that was a beautiful thing. Standing still 'in the connection', so standing still for me is a way to find or keep feeling the connection again, by looking at the clouds, for example. If you take the title literally, standing in the clouds above, you have a lot of visibility. A view down. (Over)view. And visibility, being able to see, to me represents that you are in connection.
At the same time while brainstorming about the title, I brainstormed about creating an installation artwork. I scoured the Internet, on platforms such as Pinterest, for example, for inspiration and tried to visually find and empower ideas from my mind. I wanted to create a world that I am part of and, perhaps, the audience is part of as well. In addition, I want to create something with multiple layers, so not everything can be seen in one view. For me, a cloud represents connection. When I can see the clouds I feel connected. Same goes for other details like beautiful branches of a tree. Trees and clouds appear a lot in my works. It is an inspiration; nature. I thought it would be nice to combine them in the artwork and thus reflect them there. From that starting point, I started making Mind Maps and getting ideas. I came up with the idea of making clouds out of branches. Clouds have something calm and peaceful to me. The same I feel with trees, tranquility and it breathes. Thus the title, which I also like to connect with and will also be used as the title for the artwork, can also mean standing still in the calm and peacefulness. Clouds, feeling the connection, brought here, close by. Connecting clouds with branches connects up with down, connects the intangible with the graspable, and in addition connects movement and standing still. Clouds are always moving, while trees are standing still in one place. It relates to finding the right balance in life of moving and standing still. Standing still often enough to keep feeling the connection. In my artwork the clouds are standing still. I want to hold the clouds, to keep feeling the connection. To hold in one place. However, I also know that it comes and goes and you feel sometimes more connection than other timmes and that this is okay too. Using real branches also connects outside and inside. I also want to connect the clouds together, through 'roots'. By painting the branches white and shaping them in the shape of a cloud, it still looks like a cloud and by painting the roots blue, the roots also look like the blue sky at the same time. This way everything is connected. In addition to branches, I want to use iron wire and wires. For example, to add the outline shape of a cloud and to add flowers as seeing details. In blue so that the blue and white are connected. In doing so, I want to make the two clouds different, because not every connection is the same.
Zo vredig,
in hun voortbewegende
Ik zou bij ze willen blijven
maar soms gaan ze zo snel
dat ik dan met ze mee moet rennen
Ik ren zo hard als ik kan
maar ik hou ze niet bij,
lukt niet
Ze leken zo dichtbij
maar nu toch ook zo ver weg
Om er vervolgens achter te komen
dat ik niet wil wat ik wil
zijn ze veranderd van vredelievend
naar donker met regen
Ben ik blij hier te zijn
en niet daar
op adem gekomen
van het rennen
terug bij
mezelf
See
What do you see?
Do you ever think about it?
Do you ever dwell on it?
What do you see in the world?
What do you see in yourself?
What do you see in another person?
What do you see?
What do you see in the world? Do you understand the world? How do you see yourself in this world?
How do you see yourself? What do you see in yourself? What keeps you busy? What do you think about? What do you see when you close your eyes?
Do you understand yourself, who you are and what you find important in life?
What do you see in another person? Do you understand someone else?
How do you want to see everything?
Do you see the positive or rather all the negative? Or something else, neither positive or negative?
What do you see? What don’t you see?
Do you actually see what you see?
Or don’t you know?
Do you see nothing ?
Or only a part?
Don't know what you see or don't see....
Can we see everything?
Do we want to see everything?
What is your way of of looking, of following things with your eyes?
Inside and outside
Closing your eyes and opening your eyes.
Opening yourself and closing yourself
Everyone sees something different.
And sometimes we see nothing.
And we know nothing.
For a while we don't know what to see, think or say.
We don't understand anything anymore.
What do I see?
I want to see the little things.
The hidden details.
But I get often overwhelmed by everything that is happening.
So much haste, noise, information. More, chaos, stress, hectic
High tempo of life, everything goes so fast.
I still have to do this, to do that, and also that and this.
So busy with running. Life is passing by.
Everything is constantly changing.
Many impressions. So much from different sides.
Not knowing what we see anymore, because we see and hear so much.
It is overwhelming sometimes.
I lose the connection… with myself, the world, the other
Connection.
Your world, my world, the world.
Everything is connected to each other. But is it?
Are we together. Or alone.
Are we stuck. Or free.
Sometimes I feel no connection. Only distance.
I long for connection.
Sometimes I feel lost looking for a way, looking for connection.
Standing still is for me a way to find back the connection.
Not running but standing still. That is what I want.
I often think about that I want to stand still.
Standing still and looking for silence by lying on the ground and looking up to the clouds. .
Focus on the now.
Becoming more aware of what we see and hear.
Seeing how the clouds move.
Silence. Standing still, being still. Silence in the clouds. The silent is not silence. There is always sound. We never stand completely still. We are never completely still.
Looking and listening better.
To details.
To sounds in the silence, to visual details.
I see pools of water with reflections to hidden worlds, beautiful shadows reaching across everything, the sound of the wind in a tree, the sound when birds flying away together from a pool of water.
The noise becomes silent.
Standing still in the silence as the way to find back the connection with yourself, the other, the world.
Is it enough?
I think so.
I hope so.
Niet meer in mijn leven
Wel in mijn hoofd
We vallen samen in slaap,
mijn gedachten en ik
Samen
Ze houden me wakker
Totdat ze steeds geruislozer worden
op de achtergrond
Dan val ik
samen met jou
alleen
in de nacht
Kijken om
Achterom kijken
of vooruit
vooruit kijken
Wáár moet ik kijken
Omhoog? Omlaag?
Ik weet het niet meer
Verloren,
Kijken, ik overal
Rondjes draaiende
Tranen vliegen in het rond
om me heen,
als schuine regen
zwevend
onderweg
tot het ergens neervalt
Vallend val ik mee,
met de regen
Druppel voor druppel
Beetje bij beetje valt
mijn hele zelf ergens
neer
Maar waar
Waar val ik.
En wanneer.
Beland ik
ben ik
mezelf
weer
Ken je dat?
Dwalen,
Rondlopen,
Als door een bos,
vol bomen en paden
Verplaatsen je
Richting is niet aanwezig.
Bewegen rond.
over takken
Doodlopend?
Soms
ga terug,
zijn terug,
andere tak.
Weet je de weg nog,
Zojuist belopen?
Zien
maar niet zien.
Alleen zien van,
takken in je hoofd
blaadjes
Allemaal verbonden
Maar zie je dat?
Vlieg je erboven
Vogelend
Overzichtelijk,
of middenin
Op een tak
Niet wetende
Verloren dwalend
Hoe kan ik erboven komen