Supplement 1:
Topics for interview
Creating artist
· Feelings about talent being an obligation
· Dialogical aspects in their artistic work
· Inner dialogue while being creative
· Getting inspiration or hindrance from their own pain/ personal story
· Saying what cannot be said or acting out as an aspect in their artistic work
· Speaking directly as an aspect in their artistic work
· Destructive entitlement as an aspect in their artistic work
· Arrogance as an aspect in their artistic work
· Connection between their personal growth and artistic growth
Performing artist
· Feelings about talent being an obligation
· Dialogical aspects in their artistic work
· Reciprocity when playing together with other musicians
· Connecting to fellow musicians as well as to themselves while playing
· Connecting to the audience as well as to themselves while playing
· Getting inspiration or hindrance from their own pain/ personal story
· Saying what cannot be said or acting out as an aspect in their artistic work
· Speaking directly as an aspect in their artistic work
· Destructive entitlement as an aspect in their artistic work
· Arrogance as an aspect in their artistic work
· Connection between their personal growth and artistic growth
Supplement 2:
Interview questions
- Does the problem that made you contact me also affect your artistic work/ playing?
- How does it affect your work/ playing?
- How did you deal with this until now?
- How important is your work/ playing as a way to express yourself?
- Is saying what cannot be said or speaking directly a theme in your work/ playing?
- Does your talent also sometimes feel like an obligation?
- Do your parents have a connection with art?
- Did they affect your artistic development?
- Is connecting to your fellow musicians/ audience while performing/ creating important to you?
- Is connecting to yourself while playing/performing/creating important to you?
Supplement 3:
Response on interview questions
Below I summarized the responses of the interviewees. The order of
responses corresponds with the list of anonymized students mentioned
in figure 3 (see: 4.1: In dialogue with students about specific topics).
1. Does the problem that made you contact me also affect your artistic work/ playing?
· Yes.
· Yes.
· Yes.
· Yes.
· Yes, it does.
· I think so; the stress affected my connection to the instrument.
· It was about my relationship with my teacher, it affected the speed of progress.
· Yes, I felt incredibly small.
· Ultimately.
· Yes, it interferes in my process; I become unfocussed or hyper-focussed.
· Maybe indirectly, I panicked about things in my personal life.
· Yes, physically and mentally, both injuries by over training and social anxiety.
· Yes, physically and mentally.
· Not all the time, my personal background affected me.
2. How does it affect your work/ playing?
· Physical and mental pains affect my mind; I cannot not practice and do what the teacher wants. Depression affects my playing; the exam committee mentioned it.
· I do less work; not as personally involved; I block.
· It makes me more vulnerable, more connected with myself.
· I procrastinate, I know I like to play but it feels like an obligation; I hate everything I play; everything sounds out of tune;
· My artwork is mostly personal and alters freely, depending on how my subconscious is generally doing.
· Having less focus, not progressing enough, feeling disconnected from the instrument.
· It narrows my horizon, it feels I have to obey, concentrate on certain things, not enjoying anymore.
· I’m not good enough; I should be doing better; I always make mistakes. Now I make less mistakes; it’s all connected to being able to see myself as a person.
· If I don’t have a good view on myself, I cannot sing.
· It affects my self-confidence I; it’s hard to find a mode to stay motivated; it affects connecting with others, to receive feedback from teachers.
· Less relaxed, vulnerable. It made me write a lot of material though so I also got something out of it.
· Keeping focus during the day, at nights I’m better but it disrupts my routine.
· I wasn’t able to say no to requests, to set barriers. Because of the pain in my wrist I wasn’t able to study.
· I tried to make things perfectly and please other people. It has a positive side but I also miss the bigger picture.
3. How did you deal with this until now?
· Talking, medication, sports, acupuncture.
· Try to let go; my work becomes cognitive, rational.
· Talk to friends, parents.
· Talking about it really helped, in my own head I couldn’t solve it. I didn’t understand myself for a moment; it helped me to be less judgemental; different vibe; I become more free to look for sounds.
· I was having breakdowns, emotional burnouts, and felt mostly alone in this foreign country. To cope with, I would often times smoke weed, do yoga, listen to motivation videos, and try to vent to as many people who would listen to my issues. If I made art that would go along with it, it wouldn’t really help solve the problem but rather better define the problem.
· I struggled but now I try to not care about little things, prioritize, organize my day.
· I had strict teachers before. Now I try to consider more things, I try not to think about mistakes.
· Low self-image, some believe to be creative you have to struggle.
· I struggled with depressive thoughts and anxiety. I tried not to feel and not deal with it by being passive. I blamed myself for not being good enough.
· Avoidance, procrastinating, asking for help. Recently I try to accept myself in my way of working, active observing and trying not to judge.
· I couldn’t stand ground, now I know better what I like and what I don’t like to do. I’m now more focussed on my self, I recorded my own music, and I took a rest and travelled on my own for a month.
· I couldn’t talk, I was thinking in loops, I panicked. Then I had therapy.
· I went too far and got an injury. I didn’t have a choice. Meanwhile I found out people are more understanding than I thought.
· My teachers tell me that my work is good but I shouldn’t be so strict with myself.
4. How important is your work/ playing as a way to express yourself?
· It’s easier to express myself into music.
· In my playing it’s important; I have to let go my blocks; in my work it’s not about me anymore.
· It’s a way to externalize instead of talking.
· It has been very important when I was young; it helped me to connect to my feelings. I found out that feelings are important in my life.
· When I am truly motivated and passionate about a project it is most likely because it is a very personal project. Without always consciously realizing it, I am constantly expressing myself through my artwork.
· Very much, if not I’m more vague, superficial, empty. Feelings, sensations are a big thing; you personalize yourself with what you do. It gives me a purpose, a self-realization process.
· Never thought about this, but I do have an opinion about how the music should be played.
· It’s not about expressing my emotions directly. It’s about things I value; I perform as a character. I tell a story and express my creativity.
· I didn’t express myself to others. Someone gave me the advice to give credits to myself in front of the mirror, which I do. I’m in the process of expressing myself.
· Very much, before people didn’t understand me. I had a hard time expressing myself verbally. Especially through music I can really speak.
· Very important. I write my own lyrics that are personal. They contain wisdom that is still hard to achieve in my own thinking.
· Yes it is important for me to express; I not interested in doing this to entertain or earn money.
· The most important, when I couldn’t play I lost the option to express myself through my instrument but I learned to talk.
· Very important, as a child I wasn’t very talkative but I used to draw and paint a lot. It’s not always easy for other people to understand. I’m thinking with my hands. When I draw I think about a discussion in my head, which helps when I have to verbalize later during class.
5. Is saying what cannot be verbalized or speaking directly a theme in your work/ playing?
· Sometimes I cry while I’m practicing or playing in the orchestra, hoping no one will notice.
· Maybe with composing.
· As a child I was trying to help our family to cope with my brother, I still try to deal with that issue but now as a research project in school. I hope I manage to keep a distance so it doesn’t become too overwhelming.
· I don’t need to use words; with my playing I can go deeper.
· My work leans a little bit more towards the need for interpretation rather than a direct message. Though I think I have mostly always been able to say what I feel. The artwork helps give my message an aesthetic and I personally feel it speaks better than my words because I am more of a visual person rather than an audio person.
· Music is its own medium; it speaks for itself. You could use it though to express emotions. You don’t need to express anything, but I composed a song for my exam and looking back it reflected like a screenshot that period.
· No, I don’t think so.
· I don’t think so. It’s the other way around. The things I say I can portray in music. I also make drawings, but I do that in a different way.
· I think so, I’ve always been writing poems. Recently I wrote lyrics with autobiographical elements to a song. I performed it and I got a lot of positive feedback.
· That’s the theme of my final project. If things don’t match, music can help to take away the dissonance. Music has this effect on me more than fine art.
· I go further in my lyrics; it’s easier to express myself that way.
· Definitely, but I would like to be able to do this more in the future.
· It’s easier to speak through my viola than with words. I always get compliments from commissions about musicality in my playing; my technique might suffer though.
· Art gives you complete freedom; I’m not limited by fear. For me it’s difficult to open up, my art is a way to show who I am without having to open up.
6. Does your talent also sometimes feel like an obligation?
· Interesting question, last year I wanted to give up. I also consider this as a gift from the universe. I try to communicate with music to the audience. It’s my destiny.
· When people say: ‘With this piece you can break through’, this gives me pressure to perform.
· More like a choice, not as an obligation.
· I’m not talented; I have to work hard for results; but I like to give people an opportunity to go into their feelings, it gives meaning to my life.
· Why would you waste your talent?
· I notice playing my main instrument is giving me a harder time, even procrastinating, than playing other instruments. I also notice side effects like my muscles being tenser. In our times you have to be ambitious. We are expected to do well.
· I see this as an opportunity, I wanted to come here; I hit the ceiling in my country.
· Not at all, it feels like a privilege.
· Until recently I tried to be perfect, leading to anxiety. I couldn’t enjoy what I was doing.
· Not from the outside but it can be from myself; I don’t want to withdraw.
· No I want this myself.
· No I like to be passionate in everything I do.
· From myself to myself, depending on how I deal with the pressure from outside.
· It never felt like an obligation. My mother is a biologist and I started with studying biology.
7. Do your parents have a connection with art?
· No, but my mother played the piano and my brother painted, they also sent me to music school.
· My mother was interested.
· My mother; my father not so much; she herself was painting.
· It felt as if I was the only one but they listened to music. I recently found out that the family of my mother was involved in art; my mother did art academy.
· Not really. My dad is a really great cook; that is a form of art. My mom signed me up for drawing classes and an acting class once when I was younger. She has encouraged me to try these new classes. Otherwise I could never go to them for feedback and it was kind of shitty when I realized that. I felt mostly alone growing up with the art side of me wanting to be further nurtured.
· My dad was a guitar player.
· Not to music, they both like figurative art. We went to museums, exhibitions, theatre, and cinema. My father wanted to be a painter but was not allowed. Now he paints.
· My mother was a painter; there were paintings all over the house. My dad used to play keyboard.
· Everyone in the family was somehow into art except my father who could make fun of it. My mother wanted to be a singer; one of my sisters writes and another one makes drawings.
· They were both interested, not active but enjoying art; we went to museums when I was young.
· They enjoy listening to music. I was allowed to have singing lessons when a teacher in school suggested it.
· My father played the piano and when I was nine I wanted to play the piano to please him. My mother was more on the artistic side.
· My mother is a flutist, having a teaching practice with 40 pupils. My father is an amateur piano player.
· My grandfather loved art and there were lots of paintings in the house. My grandmother’s sister’s husband was a painter and a teacher; he used to help me.
8. How did they affect your artistic development?
· Nobody has this talent in my family. My mother tells me: ‘you play very beautiful, she believes in me’.
· My mother helped and stimulated me.
· My mother stimulated me, both of them were supporting. They sent me to drawing class, but I didn’t like to be thought.
· Their upbringing affected me, but I was free to choose.
· As answered above… my mom signed me up for a few art classes growing up. And they sometimes helped me afford my art equipment. Then I’d take off and do my own thing, they would look at my work and be impressed and say I have a talent, but it never went any deeper.
· I played together with my dad being 13. He pushed me into it. If I pointed at a guitar he already bought it. If I had to travel miles for lessons, he drove me there. He also stimulated me to go for it, realize my own will.
· They allowed me to do what I wanted. I choose my instrument because of the teacher.
· My mother in particular was encouraging; she didn’t play music though. Films could make me so emotional; it’s the basis of my passion. That’s where expression is born in me. It can also be overwhelming. You can’t have one side without the other.
· There was always music in my head and I also was listening to my mother’s singing.
· My father played music, there were paintings at the wall; I absorbed it all. My family supported me in what I liked myself. It was hard to also explain this to others who were not into art.
· They always supported me but this is something I wanted myself.
· They supported what ever I decided.
· My sister and me were in youth orchestras; my father always drove us to rehearsals and concerts. My mother allowed me to play with her pupils and my father accompanied me on piano.
· My mother supported me doing art courses.
9. Is connecting to your fellow musicians/ audience while performing/ creating important for you?
· Yes! This is very important for me, to share with your audience, music is connection.
· Yes, you cannot play with everyone; you have to get something across to the audience; you should play a piece having a vision on it. In composing it takes away my freedom if I connect to the audience; I will not change anything because of a critic mentioning something; it’s nice if it’s being received.
· I’m aware I want to show it to someone and I want to. I’m also aware that I have to deal with selling my design without becoming a pleaser. Who am I addressing? Having success is also something that affects me. I try to connect in as many ways as possible.
· For me that is what it is about; it’s easier with fellow musicians than with the audience; they can help me. If connecting helps it feels like nothing is interfering. When I open up I play better. With audience it’s the mass that creates stress, not individuals that are on my side.
· It depends on the piece. Sometimes with a performance for example then yes right away. Sometimes the artwork is more personal, but in the end, I need to find a way to make my work connect with my audience.
· If it works I love it. It only works if those people are sensitive. If they are not respectful I either have my distortion knob or I play softer so they realize at some point. Guitar can also be a weapon. I hate it when people play in a predisposed way; you have to be open.
· Now I start thinking about it more. There is the worry of being judged. But of course you have to connect.
· Both are very important. I love talking to my audience before I perform. I like to share my story I made up of the composition with the audience, especially with modern music. I remember using the metaphor of a dragonfly for a modern piece and I got a lot of response on it. Your fellow musicians want to see who you are. It’s incredible and so much fun if they also see you having fun.
· I haven’t experienced it until recently but now it’s really important. I’m in a period of transition. I want people to like it; people will feel something real. I’m not used to working with other musicians.
· Yes I accept the other [reality] through the other [musician]; sometimes this leads to a great experience; it helps dealing with yourself. Dealing with the audience is still difficult sometimes; it’s hard to receive appraisal.
· Yes since I returned from my journey things are more relaxed, I’m able to say what I want and enjoy being in the moment more. I’m less judgemental to myself.
· I have it more with the musicians I compose for; we create together. I use their specific sound.
· Under stress it is difficult to connect to my fellow-musicians. Playing before a noisy audience I find terrible. It feels like being disrespectful to me.
· I always think about what people think, and I was obsessed with making it good. Now I try to work without worrying, be more spontaneous and taking a risk.
10. Is connecting to yourself while playing/ performing/ creating important for you?
· This is where the problems started; I didn’t have a good connection with myself. My teacher told me to show more happiness in my playing. It’s hard to change my character.
· Very important otherwise I loose my focus; a bad note is less disturbing than a note without purpose. As a composer I have to be able to see what’s realistic within the circumstances.
· I find that hard to do.
· Connecting with my feelings is, connecting with my ego isn’t.
· Always, whether it’s consciously or subconsciously.
· On stage I have no trouble; I go in subconscious mode. While practicing it’s more difficult to connect to myself, I have to get a good practice session. It’s also easier in the evening when there are no other things bothering me.
· More and more. In the way I was taught it didn’t seem important.
· On two levels: emotionally and your own experience, you feel something. The level of believing in yourself, you have to make yourself proud. What you are is enough. How much you try, you have to value your own work.
· I’m trying to work on that balance of being connected to myself and to the people around me; I need to find this balance. In the past I lost the connection to myself.
· Yes sometimes too important; it helps connecting with other parts of myself to overcome traumas. When I play I feel happy.
· Yes first to myself and then to the audience, being in my body.
· Definitely, now I’m more connected. I’m even conscious about connecting to myself in a physical way, probably because the physical struggles I had before.
· What does connecting to yourself mean? Sometimes I don’t notice that my shoulder hurts while playing. I can develop a tunnel vision while playing. I try to work on being able to focus on more things at the same time.
· I keep in mind doing something I like; otherwise it doesn’t make sense. My work should be something about me and about what I feel. It should not just be beautiful; I want to show myself.