Self Reflections on my Pathway as a creater, observer and subject of observation:
I would like to call this section as a self-reflection of my artistic approach, which the outcome could be considered as artistic identity exploring journey and mirroring. In this case, I am the observer and subject of the observation. This kind of study needs more boldness to divide between the ego as a self and observer as a neutral person. However, getting distance from oneself during the process of artmaking is a challenging and complicating demand for an artist, who is attached to his emotion and artistic outcome or product. For this matter, we need a good knowledge of knowing ourselves, artform elements and structures; which is the by-product of artistic activity. Also, using the neutral method of examining the art and having a fair point of view about self can be a more scientific approach which starts to show itself as an interdisciplinary knowledge. In this method, emotions, philosophical point of view, artistic activity, background and education of artist, environment, and method of producing outcome needs to be closely observe and examined. After this long process of influential elements and sciences within an artist, we can start to acknowledge the art product as an soutcome to be open up and written about.
This self-consciousness could be used for everyday life but in the case of art and researching about the art, there are many difficulties which need to be addressed; such as detachment with the subject of observation, having a different point of view about art, knowing about artistic and scientific researches and finally, passively examine and analyze the product which in this case is a self. Here I would like to bring a quote from the important book in the field of artistic research:
'It is no surprise that courage is always needed when something - anything - is undertaken for the first time or when one strives to continue something new and different, something deviating from previous. We claim that at this very moment - when artistic research has been carried out for a period varying from a few years to a couple of decades, depending on the artistic discipline - one must be able to deal with uncertainty. Otherwise, artistic research will be threatened by a negative kind of normalization, the accumulating repetition of habits that deny the space, and the need for questioning and self-reflective inner challenges. Courage is also needed because the results of artistic research are surprising in at least two different ways. Firstly, the results and endpoint should come as a surprise to the researcher. As an experiential and experimental activity, art leaves open the possibility for something unexpected happening. Secondly - due partly to the young age of the discipline and partly its very character - the contribution of the results of artistic research to the general scientific community is problematic. Nevertheless, these surprises are something worth cherishing' (Hannula, 2005, p. 17).
It is surprising to the artist to have two brain side active simultaneously for dividing the art product/result as one side and pathway of creating art in another side. In this case duality of observer/observation method will happened. Here theory and experience start dueling together. In one side theory is the all structural elements which has been seen, analyzed and stablished throughout the centuries and experiences which, comes down to the nature of creation and we know all, it is very unique and individual. Self-reflection and self-analyze process is not a easy one, which need to be addressed by oneself. There are plenty of obstacles in front of this kind of studies. The write or observer needs to know about the theoretical background of the study. Also, he needs to be bold to address all the problems within the research. He needs to be neutral and do not get close to the artistic research as a creator, but he chooses the way of passively active observer. In this case non-judgmental approaches will help him. And now we are coming to my role as a self-reflective person in this study.
Firstly, my realization during this process is that my learning does not end here and I will continue to be a student throughout my whole life. I love studying and it helps me to improve everyday as a musician and also as a human being.I first applied to Sibelius Academy as an opera singer. After trying the auditions several times, I realized that this was perhaps not the right path for me. Finally, in 2016, I applied for Global Music studies and was accepted. Studying in this programme has given me the opportunity to explore, listen and learn about diverse aspects of music and be surrounded by great people. Being able to see and participate in hundreds of concerts, study instruments, singing and composing, as well as carry out my final concert has all contributed to creating a fruitful journey for me from 2016-2020.
Learning is a challenge involving body, mind, soul and mindfulness. Your own mindset is connected to your philosophy of life and dictates the path that you choose. Making oneself too busy, with lots of unnecessary tasks and expectations about what modern society considers ‘successful’, can damage the soul. During the process of studying and writing the songs for my master’s concert, I tried to have healthy expectations about my learning, practicing and the outcomes of my efforts. I am modest about my achievements and I accept my weaknesses. I know that I am not perfect and I understand that I am a traveller on this planet, who has limited time to live, learn and explore. This attitude brings me calmness, which one needs in this life to find oneself, and later accomplish the life that one desires. Before art can be created, there must be an artistic mindset, which I believe consists of the following elements:
- Clarity of pathway
- embracing hard work
- building a solid and broad foundation of musicianship and musical knowledge
- allowing time to explore and grow
- accepting that any results and possible rewards from the work is ultimately controlled by destiny.
Final thoughts
One can be a simple spirit with a cozy mindset which for him life is the wonder and full of ecstasy. Then he travels, he learns about differences. He sees different skins and hears different sounds. Words and expressions are different. He realizes that people are habitats with different traditions, behave, and believes. He will be certainly confused. When you touch something cold or something hot your skin gives the different information to the brain. At that moment perception gets confused. Life changes its logic and one remains surprised, and many times devastated. In this process, there is some various reflection habit which accrues now. Acceptance, rejection, or being passive.
In my case, some acceptances or some rejection has always shown itself to me. Because I’ve learned that sometimes even my mind catching me in the crazy moments of life. Therefore, I need to stay calm, not worried about new challenges, and take the risk.
This is a healthy mindset for life which can one use it for approaching any creative art or performing one. In the case of music, one needs to be open, avoid the judgment of others sound or way of playing and try to find a way to make a balance between his music and outsider music/sound which he hears.
When I traveled to foreign countries, I knew that I am going to be surprised. When I accepted the differences every step and difficulties got easier. My openness was very fruitful. I picked up the words, expressions, gestures, and I could see myself living with those people for a long time. I accepted their life and their music and began to collaborate with them. In Turkey, I could sing the Turkish language which made people happy and sometimes I changed the words, melodies, or I changed the structure of the familiar tune. In Dubai, I did the same and I realized that if you know enough about the music in general you will be saved.
Seeing differences will bring understanding and accepting others. Travel is the main tool to learn about others. When you meet them, you talk to them and you accept them the magic of human communication happens, and one can start creating love and music. I traveled a lot, and I learned a lot. I suffered a lot too, due to not accepting others and often, staying rigid with my mind.
Then comes the increasing capacity of mind and memory. There is new taste and smells, new words and nuances, new language and social behaviors, new music and a new instrument. You see more and you hear more. You learn new words with their expressive musical timbre. You hear new music with lines, harmony, way of playing, and way of releasing the emotion. All these new worlds can impress one and make him richer in mind and more connected in spirit.
My identity has changed during all these challenges which I faced. I have had bad days full of tears and a bad night full of anger. I had suffered and had some good moments. I persuaded my musical journey which still is in the middle of the road, without knowing about the destination. For outsiders, I am the same person when they met me 15 years ago in Finland. But for me I am a new person which had his gray days and now is sitting on the bench on a calm sunny day and smiles. When I look at myself, I realized that life has given me a lot. I became stronger, better, and more in balance with me and my life. I always looked at music because of an artistry life and now I look at it with more ease and gentler, that if I lose it one day cannot ruin my life. Music had lost its utterly important value in my life, and I see it more to communicate with the audience than fixing my social statue. When my philosophical point of view changed, my musical life changed as well. I could look at mistakes as easy and small in which they are in the same place. I tried to not judge people with rage and anger but give them comfort and honest feedback to bring them better feeling and fruitful future.
When I changed my behavior, I changed my music. I could collaborate more and in a calmer environment which all people and the music which they make, it is equal. For me, collaboration is about equality. All differences coming together to make a better sound for the musician and the audiences.
In the practical basement of the artwork, I felt that I need new sound. As an example, I never imagined myself singing with a bagpipe. The idea was crazy as we know the sound of the instrument it's very loud. We find out that our back piper needs to be in the far most of the scene, to execute his wound. In that case, the sound is not so penetrating the ears. At first, we had no idea about bring two similar windy sound (Voice and back pipe) together and we could not imagine any result. After playing for many hours and improvising we can find out the balance and bring the beauty out. In the final concert, many people asked me about the beauty and uniqueness of the tune which they heard.
Collaboration starts with the desire to make a newer sound. Sometimes curiosity is the main cause but sometimes the need for new expression pushes the thoughts to be keener to explore unknowns. On the individual level, I didn’t face any level of difficulties in collaboration with others because I stayed humble to seed only in my field and ground. I mean for me staying in the style that I love, and I know the most was more secure, logical, and rewarding than trying to have a new sound or style in my music. I have learned this lesson since my youth that it is better to be great in your small tiny desk than trying to accomplish many areas that you cannot fully discover.
Also, I have had worked with the musicians before, and working with them was very easy. The safe environment gives stability, courage, and freedom which I felt during my performance.
Also, studying in the global music department or section had his beauty and results. I got to know many new people with different personal and musical backgrounds and identities. The colorful musical environment enriched everyone, and I was someone to learn and to listen. The global orchestra experience was great for shaping the discovery of sound making. Diversity in music playing and creation was another enrichment factor that without global music study could be happened. But due to my rich background of classical and folk music, I could bridge over any crazy ideas and traditions, to give them a new way to breathe and exist.
Study and perform regularly, makes the artist more powerful in his expression. When there is learning combined with executing the music (feeling, thoughts) musician learns to be alert about new things, to be in touch with his identity, to be real within his feelings and expressions and all that he achieves is admiration and sympathy.
But there are difficulties which remaining heavily in daily life. The music which I do regularly is Iranian/Kurdish traditional music which does not belong to the Finnish society. Therefore, we have difficulties to perform often. Because our listener is limited, we have a limited chance to perform and make new music. When there is no demand, there won’t be much performance. That is why in this phase I think to expand my circle bigger than Finland’s border and collaborate increasingly with others around the globe.
On a personal level, I thought deeply about the framework which could bring all the collaboration under the same umbrella to give a sense of harmony and logic to everyone. For instance, in the case of singing with bagpipe I knew that I need to move consciously toward the bagpipe sound, because the sound of this instrument its old, powerful, primal, and up into the face. My solution was to make a sound as primal as the bagpipe to bring these two sonorities to emerge into each other. As a singer, I have more flexibility than fix instrument in terms of structure and acoustic and sound, because I can adjust my vocal cord according to the sound that I hear.
I preferred at that time, to compose a song as a fundamental structural base to build a deeper or bigger song (in this case, musical pieces) over it. This kind of approach for me was easier because I did not want to confuse myself with too many tasks which I cannot handle in the end or do not gives me any benefit. I know what I am looking for. I wanted to give a musical experience to people. I took everything easy to give a cozy environment to the collaborative people and make a simple sound to communicate with people.
When people know about the fundamental of music-making and performances it is very easy to build a musical building over this fundamental. I also believe being spiritually and mentally open makes everything attainable. When there is respect for each other, tolerance, and support from all people, music can be made beautifully which is a fruit of thy collaboration. In my case, I did not find any difficulties to collaborate with people, but I am sure in the future there will be more challenges that need to be taken and difficulties to be solved. When the time comes to collaborate then there is a way to bring out the old tools and be open to listen and learn about the new approach.
References:
Adams, T. E. Holman, J. S., & Ellis, C. (2014). Autoethnography
Adorno. & Simpson. (1942). On Popular Music, Institue of social research
Bailey, D. (1992). Improvisation; in nature and practice in muisc, Da Capo lifelong books
Garcia, M. (2012). Art Of Singing,Forgotten Books; null edition
Hargreaves, D. J. Miell, D. & MacDonald, R. A. (2002). What are musical identities, and why are they important. In Musical Identities 2, eds A. R. MacDonald, D. J. Hargreaves, and D. Miell. Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1–20. - Hargreaves, D.(1986). The Development Psychology of Music, Cambridge University press
Lamperti, G. (2000). Vocal Wisdom, Biblio Bazaar Pub
Lehmann, L. (2000). My singing Technique, Symphonia Pub
Marchesi, M. (1970). Bel Canto, practical vocal method, GS Library
Miller, R. (1993). Training tenor voice, Scarecrow Press
Rolland, R. (1957). Beethoven, Prabhat Prakashan Pub
Stark, J. (2003). BelCanto: A history of vocal pedagogy, University of Toronto Press
Smith W, S. ( 2007). The naked Voice, Oxford University Press; HAR/CDR edition
Turino, T. (2008). Music as social life: The politics of participation. London: University of Chicago Press.
Piazz, Lisa M (2017). Exploring the Artistic Identity, USF press.
Hannula, Mika- Suaranta- Vaden, (2005). Artistic Research, Cosmoprint oy
Photos:
Excerpts from the master degree final concert, Black box, 11.12.2019, Helsinki Music House taken by Jorma Airola,
Janna Moilanen, Ayrin Majidi
Videos:
Excerpts from the master degree final concert, Black box, 11.12.2019, Helsinki Music House
Recordings:
Excerpts from the master degree final concert, Black box, 11,12,2019, Helsinki Music House
Conclusions
At the beginning of this process I posed the questions:
How can living in different parts of the world and collaborating with musicians from diverse backgrounds impact on my musical identity?
How can I use improvisation as a means to discover and express more of my character and musical identity?
This project has given me new insights into these questions, but I also acknowledge the limitations of my study and that I will continue to discover answers throughout my life, perhaps never really concluding. It is clear to me that my travels and collaborations with musicians from diverse backgrounds have all had a big impact on who I am.
If I look into my soul with the thought of finding my real identity, what do I see? Did my final master’s concert represent my identity and the outcome of my search in some way? I cannot be 100 percent sure about this, because identity is not a fixed image or state that one can pinpoint in one moment. This is a long process, which begins with questioning and continues through my travels, experimentation, successes, and failures. My master’s concert was a way to learn more about myself, rather than defining a particular identity.
During my studies, I was wondering what kind of musician I will become. These studies have allowed me to experience diverse styles and approaches to music, but I did not find a deep connection with many of these styles. I realized that ultimately I would like to be a singer and songwriter in my way and that my music connects most strongly with elements of classical, pop, and middle eastern music. This may result in my music is influenced by lied or art songs one day, and Italian pop or Kurdish music the next. However, I don’t want to put myself in a box or genre categorization, and I hope that others don’t see me in that way. This was also my hope for my final master’s concert. I wish to be free from being labeled in one way or another.
Thinking ahead to the future, I will continue to play music, compose, sing, and collaborate with others. I live according to my feelings and I try to make beautiful music that expresses my emotions and thoughts and can communicate and connect with people. My own identity is made up of the dreams and hopes I have for myself, combined with the reality of my limitations, time, and existence.
These studies and my final concert have allowed me to feel more secure and confident about performing my music and sharing my feelings with audiences. The future itself is filled with a lot of unpredictable events, which will all affect my life and my identity. Furthermore, my identity will continue to change throughout my life. With this in mind, I can honestly say that I am very happy about the small successes that I have achieved.
