Personal Story 

Current condition of my eyes:

• High shortsightedness --> high pressure inside the eye
• High pressure in the eye --> glaucoma - eye nerve dissapears, leads to vision loss in the worst case scenario
• High pressure in the eye --> retina detachment, leads to vision loss in the worst case scenario

Next steps:

• Avoid any activity where I am at risk of getting a strong hit in the head
• Avoid being in upside down positions
• Be rational with sudden and abrupt movements (dance)
• Be rational uncontrolled flaling (dance)

Translation to movement and my artistic work:

• Working with eyes closed - to lower the risk of damaging my eyes
• Working with eyes closed - to face my biggest fear 
• Workign with eyes closed - to see what is still possible in dance and movement when vision is not there

Loop Station 

• Surrounded by musicians
• Big interest in music and sound 
• Urge to learn how to create sound myself
•  For my previous work ("Smell & Smile") I recorded and edited sounds myself so I wanted to take it 1 step further and create sound live on stage

• Documentary about female pioneers in the field of electronic music
• Female composeres who experimented with machines and redifned the boundires of music
• Inspired me to go with the loop station even though I had no clear idea of how I will use it - it inspired me to challange myself and try something new
• I like the raw and obscure aesthetics of the cables, buttons and the variety of the machines - it made me want to create something in that direction

Objects on stage / Scenography

• Creating my own space on the stage
• Objects are a great tool to show that one cannot see, the movement changes a lot once you have to search for the objects rather than directly  going towards them

Aukje's Dramaturgy Workshops

• Helped me to explore the possibilities of the objects more
• Objects not only as a tool to show more clearly that one cannot see but also as a tool to set up the space so that the once without vision sets their space in a way that makes them feel safe in it

Big decisions

• FROM me being in the role of creating the sounds TO performing/danicng together with my performer
• FROM duet TO trio
• FROM combining both recorded music and the loop station TO only using the loop station
• FROM different objects TO only cables

Eyes Closed Sensation

• Going from place A to B with eyes closed

Sometimes We Opened Our Eyes

• Some things were impossible to do with eyes closed - we tried different things and we practiced but some things could not be solved
• There were two moments in which we had to open our eyes: 1) when putting the green cable and the microphone to the front as it happened in rehearsals that instead of a rectangle it was a triangle and then it really messes with the rest of the piece and 2) when running in circles in the rectangle as it happend that we went outside the boundries and then it becomes a bit too dangerous

1. The best art is not made out of happiness.

I use darkness to create light.

I go through darkness to give space to light.

We can only experience and appreciate light if we know how darkness feels like.

2. Becoming instead of performing. 

I aim to embody feelings, to let the movements be fueled by them.

I want the performer to be them, to give in into them.

It is about expressing things that words on their own cannot fully do. 

There is no specific style or form, there is quality, dynamics and the rhythm of the movement.

3. Performance in a form of an experience. / Experiential performance. 

Phenomenology, allowing the other go through an experience.

It is about creating a better understanding of what one goes through. 

Dailiness and gestures as anchors, something one can recognize.

Abstractness to allow space for own interpretation and individual resonance. 

4. Struggle and pain.

Many people suffocate these inside them, many can relate to these topics. 

I want you to feel them in order to free yourself from them.

Be vulnerable.

5. Transparency.

I value an honest and authentic movement coming from within.

I work with the current state.

I am in the moment and I allow it to have an effect on me and my movement. 

Instinct based movement is at the core. 

I use the raw and unprocessed movement material.

Choreography In Details

• Eyes closed means figuring out how to do things in the most smooth way without confusing the other person, without tangeling the cables
• Things have to be set and clear otherwise it takes too long and it makes things very complicated

Zdzisław Beksiński

• Polish painter, photographer and sculptur
• Specialized in dystopian surrealism 

Some Things We Did

• Check in in the beginning - how are you? how is your body? what do you need for today?
• "Hear, Feel, Imagine", which I also did in my previous procesess. It was to share my story and give a general overview of where I want to go
• Trying out many different ideas, many of them did not make it to the final piece
• Having a dramaturg to come once (and also watch videos of later runs) to give feedback and suggestions
• Guided improvisation (Evangelos eyes closed, me guiding)
• Whole rehearsal with eyes closed

Badiucao

• Political artist from China
• Confronts social and political issues in his work

“The best art isn’t made out of happiness”.

The work I create is heavily based on and inspired by struggles and pain I encounter in my life. The core values of my art are being in the moment, presence on stage, becoming the feelings and letting them stimulate the movement as well as being vulnerable and honest with myself and others. These values serve as a foundation to fulfill my purpose of creating experiential performances. I believe that communication through movement and performance art can have a greater contribution to understanding things that are naturally felt and expressed through the body. I also believe one has a greater understanding of another person’s perspective once they know how it feels and what it takes on both the physical and mental levels and thus I try to create art that can be experienced even from being on the outside.

I want to create light despite all the darkness. This is the essence that I take from the above quote. Everyone has their own struggles, each person carries pain in one way or another and I believe that by going through it we can free ourself from it. I want to confront it as a mean to empty oneself and create space to be filled with other things. I work with with instinct based movement and for that reason I need performer(s) who are willing and are capable of opening themselves, connecting with their feelings and trusting their impulses. I combine daily movements with the abstract qualities in order to have anchors yet to still give the space for the audience to have their own interpretation of the performance.

What do I see myself doing? Where do I see myself?

• Experiences rather than performances
• Experience workshops - from an audience member to a participant
• Working with eyes closed - bringing something different into the field
• Interdisciplinarity - working with other disciplines as well as educating myself in other fields such as music or film
• Continue building in The Netherlands and possibly in the future bring my work and develop it in Poland 

What did I learn? What do I take with me?

• Let things come to me, do not force creativity
• Balance between planning and instinct
• Intention behind the movement rather than the technique
• Developing and understanding my movement language