DISCUSSION

The following section intends to lead you through our artistic research process and to also point out and hopefully clarify further aspects of this process. We also want to share our findings and insights as well as future outlooks for this very promising field of autosociobiographical exploration. 

First, we want to point out two important aspects of this arts-based research process conducted by our group –  theatre and film director, psychologist and researcher Barbara Wolfram, film and literature studies scholar Christina Wintersteiger, performance artist Negin Rezaie and writer Patrick Wolf – as well as the languages we worked in.

Group Composition:
We have all known each other from various contexts previously to starting this research – be it work or personal friendship – and we have known each other in varying degrees of intensity – from very close friends to hardly knowing each other –before embarking on this journey. What was necessary, even central was that we felt safe and trusting to share our exploration of shame. Therefore, we spent a considerable time and care on building trusting group relationships before starting the research process and establishing safety nets during the process to enable an open and honest exchange. We can not stress this enough - autosociobiographical exploration via arts-based research methods is not a process that can be rushed or done under stress and pressure. Furthermore, autosociobiographical exploration is highly sensitive and personal. It touches upon core values and beliefs of how we tell our biography to ourselves and to others. Ethical considerations have to be at the forefront of this endeavour. Therefore, this art based resarch is truly process orientated as well as process-sensitive and not output-focused – even though it is not without output – to work towards something, be it a performance, a video, a drawing, but it is nevertheless important to define an (intermediate) endpoint for the exploration.  

Languages:

Language wise, we are three people with German as mother tongue and one person with Farsi as mother tongue. We all speak German and English and are proficient enough to be able to properly express ourselves in these languages. Nevertheless, we decided not to force any language as the main working language, but decided to let the memory decide which language is the right one. Why is that important? Every language possesses a specific set of memories, of behaviors, gestures, social/ norms, and so on. By forcing one language to be the dominant one, we would not only miss out on some experiences and memories of shame we made in another language but also on how we react to other languages and its implications as well as what memories can be kicked off by being confronted with several and also completely unknown languages - in our case Farsi for three of us. When does one change the language? For which topics? Do we notice the switch? How do we feel understood? Are there things we cannot express in one language, but can in another language? What words do we have to describe the concept of shame in different languages and cultures? 

Negin Rezaie also carries with her the knowledge of displacement and the experience of a specific social class – the "refugee class" (Quote: Negin Rezaie, 2020). With that comes along a very specific set of norms and biographical ruptures as being a refugee especially nowadays is highly loaded with political ideas and stereotyping. It also carries the experience of total rupture – no matter what social class you had belonged to in your country of origin, you will most certainly lose that social status in the country you live in now. This new country most certainly positions the "refugee class" at the lower end of the social stratum. So, not only includes the autosociobiographical the experience of displacement and most likely some form of trauma, but also the trauma of being de-classified (déclassé). In this process the experiences and norms of the social class of origin step into the background. This is an aspect that definitively needs further research. 
The possibility that opens with carrying along such a sociobiographical rupture is the ability to see the social class system of the new country from the "outside" for a while which can allow to have more information available than the ones who are socialised within and by that system. We cannot stress the aspect of intersectional diversity enough, especially in autosociobiographical explorations within a group setting. 

In the scope of our three year artistic research project on cinematic autosociobiographies funded in the PEEK scheme of the Austrian Science Fund (FWF), we hope to be able to engage in further research concerning the open questions that have arisen during this research process. At the time of writing this exposition, the PEEK/ FWF project had not yet started.

Video: Zoom Non-Performance in the frame and for SAR 12th by Wolfram, Wintersteiger, Rezaie, Wolf; 2021

Introduction

Theoretical Foundation & Starting the Research

Methodology & Process

References

DISCUSSION & FINDINGS

Translation to English:

Spoken words:

"I don`t want to have to speak about shame if I don`t want to." 

"I would like to be able to tidy it up. All of these snippets .. to clean them up ... like the shame. As if one could put it back together .. and then it is a whole sheet again .. all white ..but I guess it probably doesn`t work like that."

Written words:

"As a child I wanted to become ...

a painter

I cannot paint

I was never good at painting."

Zoom Improvisation; Wolfram Wintersteiger Rezaie Wolf 2021

"TO SAVE SOMETHING FROM THE TIME IN WHICH YOU WILL NEVER BE AGAIN."

(Annie Ernaux)

چیزی را از زمانی حفظ کنیم، که هرگز به آنجا باز نخواهیم گشت.
                                                               ( آنی آرنو)   

  insertion.

FINDINGS

As stated above, the goal of this artistic research project was to refine and describe a method we have been working on for the past two years (2019/20). Adding to our research on cinematic, collaborative autosociobiographies in Confronting Realities - First Steps, we had the possibility to, at the one hand, focus on one aspect of this rather broad field – the emotion shame and its implications and effects – and on the other hand, to expand our research to the format of a performance as well as to add considerations concerning the question of immediacy, transference and counter-transference in the face of an audience.

Before we now list and share some of our findings, we would like to point out that our research on autosociobiographies is ongoing. Some of our thoughts and findings are still questions which we hope to answer in the upcoming years of research. 

For the time being, we would like to invite you join us on this journey, to explore for yourself and to come to your own conclusions, to add on to them, or to just let them be open questions for a little while longer.

We divided our findings into five sections: liminal crossing points, process, artistic form (screen), non-performance and method. 

Approach the subject and fragments presented here with gentleness and love for the unknown, for the abstract and for the messy, for the in- betweens and the all-outs, for the low and subtle tones that might be hiding. For the unspoken, unwritten words and the untold stories, for the courage of accessing rooms that we were told not to enter. And maybe, if this inspired you, step back from the screen and allow for your own autosociobiographical search. If you want, close your eyes for a second and feel inside you, watch the first images that arise and sit with them.  What is the strongest memory, the strongest impression?

  Let it come, name it and let it go. 

  But remember it.

Furthermore, two important details are to be mentioned when talking about our research process(es):

1

The tension between our different roles as project leaders and researchers as well as being the object/subject of this research, knowing that our work will be displayed and discussed in a conference environment (SAR 12th, 2021). We wanted to address this tension that sometimes culminated in a conflict as we believe it to be crucial for arts-based research: to allow a form of closeness and vulnerability as well as involvement that is unusual for other research processes. We found our way of dealing with that by fully embracing the collective in which we work, by allowing much time for the process and by not forcing results. This exploration was not about exhibiting our lives, but to explore what we ourselves do not know already, to and to critically question our position from which we research and to define and test the specific research method of autosociobiographical exploration.

2

We also want to address the challenges of working mostly online via zoom or skype. We had one in person meeting where we especially focused on body memories and the relation of our bodies to each other. Apart from that our research process was entirely “socially-distanced”. We faced difficulties – lack of physical contact that creates a certain bond and trust as well as support that goes beyond verbal expressions but is crucial for the kind of sensitive work we did – as well as advantages – the security of being in our homes, of having our “biographical surrounding” at our disposal, the feeling of being secure behind the screen as well as the formal possibilities of the screen, such as spinning the screen, being able to disappear or to re-enter, covering the camera, etc. which took the form of an additional art-based language at our disposal to express and convey our autosociobiographical experiences. 
All in all, the advantages surprisingly outweighed the disadvantages, especially in the light of focusing on a translation to the possibilities of a 2D screen, virtual conference as well as the medium film which will be our research concern for the upcoming three years in our PEEK project.

  I.

Liminal crossing points

Physical and psychological solidification of class boundaries

When examining our exploration process, we tried to decipher the conscious and unconscious effects of shame on our own perception of social class and the boundaries of social class. 

At first, the conscious effects seemed to be much more accessible - for example, the use of shame as social or political tool (“Don’t speak up”, “You don’t belong here”, etc.) or the explicit recollection of moments, that were shameful and now still feel like a burning hot memory (for example, being underdressed at a formal event or a school friend referring to your house as a “hovel”). 

But, looking more closely, we wanted to concentrate on the unconscious processes at work - the way experiences of shame influence on a subliminal level the way we talk, dress, move, interact, or define the relationship we have with ourselves, our past and our future possibilities. 

During the first stages of our exploration, we realized that we were quick to remember certain life events that provoked a feeling of shame and had to do with class (school changes, family fights, sexual encounters, etc.), but often overlooked the effects of these events on our body, the way these memories inscribed themselves into certain body postures, speak or thought patterns. 

Through exploring in the group process and by being confronted with each other’s memories and their reaction to our memories, we did achieve “aha moments” where we realized how a certain event had shaped the way we thought about our own class boundaries - or even made us aware of them for the first time. 

Areas of liminal biographical experiences in relation to the emotion shame:

One of the paramount topics that arose in this regard were family and the relations within the family as well as family biographies. This point is quite expansive and intersects with many of the points mentioned below. We especially focused on how we perceive our family relations within the family and how we felt these relations to be perceived by the people surrounding us. The importance here laid in the factual state of one’s family and the perceived state of one’s own positioning. The first moment we realized that we deviated from a certain “norm” was one of the first moments we normally realized our social class positioning. 

ii. Along with the family came the very literal “Familienhaus”/ family house. The place(s) where we have lived during our lives. Aspects such as size of the house or apartment as well as location of the house were discussed. One important moment that was often described by us was the moment when we invited friends over for the first time or the moment when someone else found out that we live in this place. These encounters were explored and described not only from a verbal description point but also how the tone in the voice or the body language changed in that moment. Being ridiculed for the family house has a deeper inclination. It literally goes into the family where the house is the metaphor for all the life and relations that occur within a family.

iii. The role of and the relation to our fathers and our mothers was another focus. One thing that arose was f.ex. the first moment(s) where we felt ashamed for the way our parents talk, how they dress, what their profession is, what their hobbies are or what they do in their free time - or how we feel about doing things differently.

iv. Public institutions and relation to the state: This topic revolved around inclusion and exclusion in the sense “Is the institution serving us or are we a burden/ nuisance to the institution? Do we put trust in public institutions or not? Are we connected with people inside the various institutions (reach of our “network”)? Do we feel like we have the right to access these institutions and the right to use these institutions?”

v. Clothes: We have mainly had the topic of gendered clothing and the transition of girl to woman/ boy to man which is clearly not solely related to social class. Nevertheless, we want to include it here. Especially as this topic heavily intersected with the changing of the teenager body into the adult body and often plays an important role when discussing sexual(ized) encounters and violations of borders. 

vi. Changing of the body (breasts, body hair, menstruation, changing of voice, height), growing, aging of our bodies, being perceived with sexual desire or not, feeling ashamed for one owns desire and/ or the desire that is thrust upon one’s changing body. This point is also clearly not solely related to social class but intersects with many areas related to social class (means to remove body hair, appropriate hygienical products/ knowledge about their use, deo/ perfume, etc.). 

vii. Voice, the modulation of the voice as well as the accent or dialect that one uses was another big aspect. The pitch of the male or female voice, that the voice is perceived as low or high enough in the gendered stereotype that we have grown up in - and the different “meanings” and interpretations of these facets (hysterical vs. rightfully angry, f.ex.). Another point was proficiency and fluency in the language that is spoken as well as the language register that is spoken and that can be changed according to different situations and encounters.  

viii. Our education was an important discussion point as well. Confronted with the career paths of our parents or peers, we encountered a multitude of memories and emotions such as feeling not “enough”, being ashamed of one’s course of study, etc. choosing or not-choosing a certain educational institution. 

ix. We did not talk so much about hobbies and leisure activities (music instrument, football, ice dancing, swimming, boxing, etc.), although they would certainly be noteworthy additions. 

x. Knowledge Repertoires & Manners: We also did not talk so much about knowledge about music, theatre, films, books or eating habits as well as table manners even though we have reflected on their importance when discussing social class. Therefore, this point is still open and needs further exploration.  

Another important remark concerning our findings is certainly and rather unsurprisingly that these results relate to our specific group composition and that a more extensive exploration of the value of autosociobiographical exploration for artistic research concerns requires a different size and diversification of the group which we hope to achieve in our upcoming (start fall 2021) PEEK project Confronting Realities funded by the FWF. 

  II.

Process

A crucial aspect of our process was to navigate our different roles, to pose ourselves not only the following questions, but to also ask: How far into our sociobiographies can we, as researchers and project leaders, go and how far can we ask our team members as well as our audience to go? What is appropriate for an artistic research project? Where is the line between professional and personal? 

Dealing with often painful memories and also bringing them up with diverse artistic methods, especially body work, is a difficult task that has to be thoroughly prepared and orchestrated.

Essential tools are: Time, patience, empathy, respect and a clear outline for the exploration rules/goals/conditions as well as safety nets (ways to stop the exploration; communicating and monitoring).

The questions with a focus on our position as artistic researchers are:

i. What happens if I become aware of the boundaries of class?

ii. Where do I go from there?

iii. How can I sit with that?

iv. Where and how can I (artistically) channel the new information?

v. What does it mean for my art practice?

vi. What does it mean for my group working practice?

The findings concerning the process are:

i. safety first – ethical and psychological considerations: safety net & trusting group athmosphere are crucial

At the core of many autosociobiographical explorations lay strong emotions of not only shame, but also pride, fear, trauma. The right environment must be created and sustained throughout the whole process.

ii. process-oriented

When a group process is involved, autosociobiographies need an additional process of creating trust and intimacy between the group members. This demands a specific set of skills of working collaboratively with and within a group setting.

iii. but not without a goal 

iv. setting a concrete endpoint

v. not forcing results – take your time

vi. inclusive diversity in the group composition but no tokenizing

vii. rounds of reflection 

Video: Zoom Non-Performance in the frame and for SAR 12th by Wolfram, Wintersteiger, Rezaie, Wolf; 2021

Translation to English:

"A friend asks me: You are living in this hovel?

From that moment on, I have a word for this house: hovel."

  III.

Form

Apart from the process-related findings, there are also findings in concern to the medium we chose to tie all our different exploratory strands together: the online non-performance. This non-performance took the form of four same sized zoom windows and all the available exploratory objects that we had gathered beforehand – memorabilia, objects, photos, videos, paper, written work, gestures, body movements, stories and so on. 

The concrete artistic medium was therefore the zoom screen as well as the way we interacted and used this screen to convey our sociobiographical moments to the group. This of course had cinematic elements as it is a 2D screen but also includes aspects of live interaction, cadrage, camera interaction and montage. 

We found that virtual rooms offer manifold possibilities to visualise psychological and physical processes and that the provided tools add an additional language that enables the communication of sociobiographical elements in a way verbal communication cannot. 

The findings are as follows:

i. the screen language adds an additional artistic language to the communicative possibilities in a group exchange process

ii. this language conveys emotional, psychological and physical information that the verbal language cannot convey

iii. the elements of this language can be linked to specific states in relation to the researched emotion of shame

iv. these formal elements are

   1. Moving the screen: Spinning, Moving left/ right, which often links to the feeling of destabilization and was literally described as "My life started to spin, I could not feel the gorund anymore and I could not be in contact with anyone anymore because of the shame I felt."

The zoom setting mirrors this experience quite exactly – if you move your screen, your surrounding and yourself become blurred, you are not seen and cannot see the others, the interaction is disrupted until you stop spinning the screen. The emotional process finds a direct equivalent in the screen language.

  2. Covering the laptop camera (with a paper, a finger, etc.) which makes you invisible for the other viewers but you can still see what is happening on the screen. This relates to decriptions of shame to not wanting to be seen anymore, to disappear form the face of the earth. The camera makes the secret wish possible that one cannot be seen at all but can still see what is going on. 

An additional point here are the different colours that occure while closing the screen with either your finger or an object - finger make the screen become different shades of red (as seen in the screenshot further below), objects make the screen completely black.

 3. Covering parts of the body by using the frame of the Laptop Camera

This also relates to point 2, but allows a certain semi-visibility, by for example using see-through materials, mostly different kinds of fabric, that change shape and object mapping in relation to how far or close to the screen one moves the object.

4. Going in and out of a static screen. Outside of the screen is an absolute category while working online. You are not visible even though you might be there. You see everything that goes on on the screen but you take yourself out of the visible place, which can be very self-empowering.

5. Using body parts (fingers, hands, arms) to cover archive material or to cover other parts of one own's body to self edit one's narrative.

Points 1.-5. function as indirect montage techniques within the frame. Interesting is here how and when one chooses to literally "edit" one own's autosociobiographical narration.  

6. Blurring the screen by movement or by an object – many times the emotion of shame in the context of social class was described as "my vision got blurred, I only experienced a hot feeling inside, but couldn't see anymore what is going on around me."; the screen offers a literal possibility of blurring my vision and the vision of others.

v. Specific formal findings that arose due to the online working format that we tried to use productively

1. Freezing due to zoom/ Internet connection – a very specific and mostly unwanted action, that aligns with the unwanted and surprising feeling of shame when one does not expect the feeling to arise. With the instability of internect connection, we cannot make a literal parallel but during the process the sudden freezing due to a bad internet connection helped us to understand how shame might be perceived from the outside and inside if it comes as an involuntary emotion. 

2. A similar parallel arose due to any delays in the connection – shame in the context of social class hinders and delays communication which might be involuntary as well. 

3. Along with the above mentioned also came the overlapping of voices which forms an analogue to the physical and psychological representation of shame if the emotion hinders one's to access speech or hearing, so conversations become delayed and hard to follow - how does one react in a group setting? Do we wait until the connection is back on, do we go on and interrupt the expression of another person? Is there room to wait? This presented a new scenario where shame was not triggered by other human beings, but by the immediate surroundings. 

vi. Similar to point 3. but this time on the interactive level of engagement: the overlapping of screen sharing as well as starting activities (sharing sociobiographical elements) at the same moment, constructed interesting hierarchies of who takes the room and who gives the room. These moments are interesting elements to analyse the group structure but also to reflect on outside moments of giving and taking room for oneself.

All in all these are only the most prominent findings, going deep into the material a plethora of interactions arises. What we wanted to state here, is to not counteract certain obstacles that arise during such a shared exploration but to use any obstacle productively as we would in the "real" world as well as paying intense attention to details and to allow several rounds of reflection within the group and of the material to spot these small ruptures and elements of exchange.

Zoom Improvisation; Wolfram Wintersteiger Rezaie Wolf 2021

Zoom Improvisation/ Archive work Barbara Wolfram; Wolfram Wintersteiger Rezaie Wolf 2021

  IV.

Non-Performance

Many of the findings concerning the Non-Performance are already divided into the findings sections of Form and Process, nevertheless some points were specific to the situtation of the non-performance.

Furthermost, our performance was not really a performance, as it was more a way of exploration, of bringing togehter all the different elements of our sociobiographies that we had gathered before. It was a cummulative point but also another form of exploring and reflecting. It was a way of asking and re-asking, of discovering and losing as well as of showing and hiding.

We acknowledge in our research that biographical memories and experiences are stored in us in many different forms apart from memories that we can recount verbally, as we described in the Methodology section. Memories are hidden in physical and psychological acts, in body movements, in gestures, in sounds, in scents, in the tone of a voice, in objects, in the way someone handles an object and so on. For example: ripping apart a piece of paper, turning away, tucking on a jumper or on my hair, looking into someone’s eyes or not looking into someone’s eyes, the ability of using my voice, the shaking of my voice, the readiness to be looked at in a certain moment, to be observed (and maybe judged against a norm).

In this fashion, we tried to work with an artistic form that allows this open and multilayered form of exploration and is still doable in the virtual way of meeting that COVID-19 has brought on us. 

The non-performance in the frame of the SAR12th conference:

At first we struggled with the format of a virtual conference and performance for many different reasons. One were certainly technical fears but others concerned much more the conference setting, the stress that is usually involved with such a setting and most of all the palpapble conflict between professional and private self. Therefore, we took a lot of care to fathom what felt right for us in that setting and what did not, putting our personal well-being to the forefront as we have already stated in the process section in concern to ethical considerations surrounding this project. 

The form we finally chose was to show our non-performance as a process- and not result-oriented presentation of our exploration processes while at the same time inviting our audience to partake. We planned in using the presentation of the pre-recorded non-performance due to aformentioned technical but also privacy concerns, as another round of reflection but this time with an outside audience. We planned on creating an outside eye to further our exploration process in engaging the conference audience in a round of reflection but also an active process of exploration. Our hopes for sharing this performance was to add another layer to our reflections – a performance allows for a communication with the audience on denotative and connotative levels via the transfer that happens while watching. We wanted the viewers to engage with the autosociobiographic fragments presented in a way that creates an encounter with their own personal memories and responses, therefore allowing a symbolic transformation from a single work into a collective memory. 

In hindsight, we realized that key elements to enable this sort of reflective dialogue were missing from the conference setting – time, no pressure to performe or to justify one owns' sociobiography and its relation to moments of shame as well as intimacy and privacy to uninhibitedly explore.

When performing for an audience – and especially when it’s time to answer the audience’s questions –  the difference between presenting individual and highly personal autobiographical details and presenting our research method by showing and discussing fragments has to be clear at all times. We are aware that drawing this line and setting boundaries within the framework of f.ex. a conference is not easy, but necessary.

However, what our artistic research can do right now with this exposition,  is to open up exactly that room of privacy and to invite the audience/ readers to enter this room and to, ideally when alone and undisturbed, engage with our questions.

Video: Zoom Non-Performance in the frame and for SAR 12th by Wolfram, Wintersteiger, Rezaie, Wolf; 2021

Translation to English:

"Who is even interested in me speaking about shame ... or ... situations in which I have felt ashamed ... because ... everyone feels ashamed, doesn't he/she?"

  V.

Method

As our main goal was the probing of the method of autosociobiographical exploration in a group setting and in a self-exploratory process with means of visual artistic media, we came to following conclusions:

i. Taking the emotion shame as an unconscious guide to liminal crossing points of social class is working, but with certain limitations (see iii.)

ii. Using the method of autosociobiographical exploration while being immersed in one's own sociobiographical exploration is working, but with certain limitations (see insertion)

iii. The emotion shame is inflicted not solely with social class. Therefore, it is important to find a way of differentiating between these different causes and to precisely trace back the origin of the shame. 

iv. These entangeled causes should be detangeled as much as possible.

v. It might sound self-evident, but as we have experienced too many times in the process - stating the self-evident is crucial, we have to include the following point: Everyone has her/ his/ * own way of expressing sociobiographical experiences and elements.

vi. As an artist researcher to know one's own preferred way or method of expression, helps to overcome blind spots in detecting other people's ways of expression. 

vii. In times of Covid-19 health related security is paramount. The way of online working for autosociobiographical explorations is possible but also with certain limitations concerning the group process as well as the formal level. Especially the performance setting might be challenging as it is hard to allow the kick off from one element to the next as the connection might be bad or it might be hard to immediately understand that someone is sharing an element as the body feedback is missing. 

viii. As we have stated before, the format of the respective autosociobiography is important. The mode of creating cinematic autosociobiographies is inherently different from the creation of literary or performative autosociobiographies, the same is true for the creation of an online autosociobiographical (non-)performance with visual / partly cinematic hybrid forms as we have done in (Not) Entering Every Room.

ix. As for the exploration method itself and the promises that it holds, we firmly believe that autosociobiographies are capable of tracing the subjective situatedness of one’s own being in relation to one’s own social class on an artistic level. This methodology can thus capture, incorporate and communicate the effects that the social class origin has on individuals beyond the possibilities of non-artistic academic research – not only due to its experimental, open, engaging form but also to its inherent responsiveness (within the group, with an audience).

x. It is a method that is challenging to everyone using it, but especially to project leaders as it asks them to engage emotionally in their research and at the same time to always critically question the method and to adapt it. But, when executed with care, it can put forth a multitude of insights and artistic expressions, which are a useful enhancement of traditional research methods in the fields of f.e. sociology, psychology, humanities and (art) history.