5.4 Execution of my method
Now that I have better a sense of how to place my gestures better, I can start to work on my study plan. Fajo and I did two sessions. One of an hour and one of two hours. I will evaluate both sessions by explaining what we did (see videos below). I will refer to the first session as ‘first SP-session’ and to the second session as ‘second SP-session’ [SP stands for ‘study plan’]. The session for inner body-flow (see VIDEO 1,2,3) was done after the first SP-session. It would have been wiser to put the session for inner flow before this first SP-session to begin with the basics. However, I wanted to use the longer two hour session to work on my inner flow so I could take more time to really understand things well.
5.4.1 First SP-session: Testing my method
TRIAL 1 – STEP 1 method: We tested the first step of my plan: ‘Speaking the text in my mind and expressing it physically. Fajo mentioned that it looked like I sang the text in my head instead of speaking it.
TRIAL 2 – STEP 1 method: Fajo asked me to do STEP 1 again, but in addition I had to feel the back of my neck more and I had to breathe more naturally. Fajo had the feeling that my breath was not connected to what I said. It was a little bit shaky and it did not feel grounded (as a low breath should feel). The neck should feel long, as if a stream comes out of the top of my head and relaxed.
Fajo mentioned about the first and second trial that I am too focused at the front side of my body. As a consequence I lean too much forward on my feet. Fajo said that this also causes my gestures to look a bit forced and less free. He noted that I mostly express myself with the upper body (arms, face and eyes). He said that this gives a high breath and therefore a less strong connection with the floor. After this he explained that the next step for me should be to find again the centre in my body through which the energy can flow (as I mentioned in section 4.3.2.). Becoming more aware of the back of my neck can be useful, because it helps take away the attention at the front side of my body.
In conclusion: Fajo noted in the first and second trial that I am too focused on the front side of my body. As a consequence I lean forward on my feet. Fajo said that this also causes my gestures to look a bit forced and less free. He noted that I mostly express myself with the upper body (arms, face and eyes). He said this gives a high breath and a less grounding. After this he explained that the next step for me was to find again the centre in my body through which the energy can flow (see 4.3.2.). Gaining awareness of the back of my neck helps to subside focus at the front of my body.
TRIAL 3 – STEP 1 method: Fajo asked me to close my eyes. The eyes, he said, are one of our strongest senses. It could be due to the eyes that I am leaning forward. Before I started to express myself with my eyes shut, I had to imagine that I pulled up an empty cylinder around me from out of the ground, through the soles of my feet. My skin was the outside of the cylinder. This should help me to get a sense of my body volume; feeling the front, the back and the sides of my body. It creates a physical three-dimensional feeling. By this, the sensation of inner flow ought to be felt throughout the whole body. And not, as I felt it, only at the front of the body.
TRIAL 4 – STEP 1 method: Here I try with my eyes open to feel that same three-dimensional sensation. I had to stay aware of the back of my neck. Fajo said that I should feel free to move as I like (back, forth, sideways et cetera).
TRIAL 5 – STEP 1/2 method: Fajo came up with the idea to make a step in-between STEP 1 and STEP 2. He asked me to speak the text only when I felt a strong physical connection to what I said, so the motivation behind my speaking came from a deep inner impulse. This sensation should give a warm feeling in the body, as Fajo calls it.
TRIAL 6 – STEP 2, 3 method:
00:00 – 01:00 : Here I speak the complete text, keeping in mind the three-dimensional feeling, the cylinder, and to speak from a warm feeling in the body.
01:00 – 02:10 : Fajo asked me to make my gestures bigger. He goes a step back to STEP 1 again. I should say the text in my mind and make big gestures to express myself.
02:10 – 03:10 : Fajo asks me to do it again, but to make my gestures even bigger. The idea behind this I will explain later in the second SP-session.
03:10 – 04:15 : Here I had to speak the text again and discover what felt different from before the big gestures.
04:15 – 06:50 : I had to speak the text with repetition. I forgot to do STEP 3 of the process. I went straight into speaking the text with rhythm. I interpreted the rhythm as ‘free’ and ‘moving’ so that my speaking did not become too rhythmical.
TRIAL 7 – STEP 4 method: Here I sing the Habanera (without piano accompaniment).
TRIAL 8 – STEP 1/4 method: Fajo wanted me to sing again only if I felt a strong physical connection to what I said.
Personal comments:
In trial 2 it was helpful to think about the back of my neck. By doing so, I felt less tense at the front side of my upper body. The closing of my eyes in trial 3 was a good way to connect deeper with my inner physical sensations. Here I tried to conduct a flow of energy through my whole body. It was harder to find again an inner physical sensation with my eyes open in trial 4. However, I experienced more calmness in the body in comparison with trials 1 and 2. Also, there was a better balance in the body; I leaned less forward.
I found the exercise Fajo gave me in trial 5 quite hard to execute. I noted that instead of allowing my body to speak spontaneously my mind constantly dictated: “Stop…go…stop…et cetera”.
After I reviewed trial 7, I noted that my arms were less expressive as compared with the trials before, maybe because old habits resurfaced. It seemed to me that my arms were more involved here in my singing than in the text. Two moments illustrate this: at 00:35 minutes you see e.g. ‘prayers hands’ and at 00:50 minutes you see ‘ballet arms’.
In trial 8 the approach of Fajo already seemed to work better than in trial 5. The interruptions in my singing helped me to reset my focus with the text. Here the arms and hands appear more active and engaged with the message I am conveying then in trial 5.
There is one crucial point I forgot in trials 5 and 6: ‘To speak the text as the character would do’ (see STEP 2 in my method). I think I am overall not connected strongly enough to the character of Carmen. My physical expression seems to me a bit too sweet and too dreamy. For my next session with Fajo I would like to incorporate Carmen’s attitude in a stronger way.
5.4.2. Physical focus points in the Habanera
I mentioned in 5.1 that for my study plan I choose focus points in the text to avoid my physical utterances becoming too rehearsed and therefore less spontaneous in my singing. These focus points are moments in the text that I mark in order to remember that I made a gesture. In pdf 3 you can see some highlighted words in the Habanera, an aria from the opera ‘Carmen’ by George Bizet. The aria is sung by Carmen, the lead character of the opera. By reviewing the trial videos in the first SP-session and by rehearsing the text many times at home by speaking, I could map out the moments when I felt the urge to use my arms. I do not further rehearse all the details of the gesture. I only remember that I moved with my arm in a certain way or direction.