IN SEARCH OF LANGUAGE

NOT ME … NOT NOT ME (Richard Schechner)

NOT ME … NOT NOT ME in the Carousel. Questions about Self inspired by Hermann Schmitz

1. What can I accept?
2. How do I handle my certain uncertainty?
3. What is right for me?
4. What do I accept?
5. What do I assume?
6. What should I do with that?
7. What should I think of that?
8. WHO am I?
9. How do I manage to think that I am Marion Reuter?

10. How do I build a bridge to myself?

11. How then?

12. What is the essence of that which is close to me?

13. How do I own myself?

14. How do I feel when something touches me, becomes an objective actuality?

15. How do I find myself in the world?

16. Who is this?

17. Who is this state of mind?

18. Who is affected?

19. How can I speak of some as Marion Reuter without thinking of myself?

20. Who?

21. Why must I be that?

22. What can I do if I am stuck in my doubts, in my fears, in myself?

23. How can I get out of there if at all?

24. How do I handle the big mystery?

25. How do I relate to my inner world?

26. How do I get out of this inner world?

27. Who pulls the strings of my inner world?

28. Am I this marginal existence that pulls the strings in my inner world?

29. Am I that inhabitant of my inner world?

30. How can I be aware of myself?

31. How can I feel that this is myself?

32. How can I feel that this is my body?

33. How can I get far away from this inner world?

34. How can I get far away from an empty floating existence?

35. And that should be me?

36. How can I actually have that consciousness?

 [To top]

In the carousel, we practice forms of being. A deep chaotic fascination. Dizzying joy.

Silence. Closeness. Madness. Words on fire. Laughter

Being in the carousel practice. Being on stage. Being a fool. Being a lover. Being a horse. Being Hamlet. Being oneself. Being a Greek goddess. Being drunk. Being another. Being a child. Being a vampire. Being a KUV researcher. Being death. Being water. Being Louise Bourgeois. Being a mother. Being a soap opera star. Being old. Being restless. Being beautiful. Being vulnerable. Being whatever you imagine.

 [To top]

Excerpts from:

“The Monster-Headed Carousel Machine”

C O N T E N T AND S T R U C T U R E

A:  THE MONSTER-HEADED CAROUSEL MACHINES CHAOS LANDFILL:

WITHOUT SILENCER AND CONTINUITY. WOBBLY.

B: INITIALS. NEVER EVERYTHING:  MOVING STRONGLY BUT NOT TOO QUICKLY. EXPOSED.

C:  BABBLE-AHEAD: REGARDLESS OF THE PACE. DO NOT DRAG. SLOWLY INCREASE. 

D: INSIDE THE CAROUSEL:  SET UP VERY FAR AWAY. IN THE FAR DISTANCE. ALWAYS FORWARD.

E: FEELINGS AND ATMOSPHERES:  IN THE BEGINNING A VERY LEISURELY PACE. DO NOT DRAG. VERY SIMPLE AND MODEST AS A FOLK SONG.

F: DISINCARNATION, THE NOMADIC IDENTITY AND THE CAROUSEL: INVISBLE VOICE. VERY SONOROUS. A KIND OF EASE.

As an attempt to reflect on my artistic research process I wrote a monolog “ The Monster-Headed Carousel Machine based on a performance workshop exercise of Stefanie Lorey, collaborator at the research. The form of the monolog relates to the form of the carousel improvisation. I do my own fictive writing ride through the carousel inviting living and dead people/ experiences/ recollections/ reading/ writings/dialogues/thoughts/doubts. In this imaginary debate I try to frame and enunciate my artistic research about the Carousel practice during the ongoing working process. A digesting journey through the variety of inputs to develop an understanding of my own artistic practice.

It is a sampling of my writings, other writings and fictive talks with

Mari LB Kamsvaag, Stefanie Lorey, Martina Ruhsam, Pauliina Hulkko, Eduard Erne, Marcus Mislin, Kim Hellweg, Mari LB Kamsvaag, Petra Adlerberth-Wik, Carina Randløv, Laura Luise Schultz and Mette Tranholm as well as recycled excerpts and thoughts from: Volker Caysa: Empraktische Vernuft, Hermann Schmitz: Neue Phänomenologie, Sarah Kane: 4.48 Psychosis. Walt Whitman: Love Poems, Rainald Goetz: Loslabern, Mette Tranholm: Disincarnation: Jack Smith and the Character as Assemblage. Gustav Mahler 1. Symphonie D-Dur.

Here are certain samples as an exampel:

A:

…

1. I remember it has become so complex, what it is, the carousel and how it runs and where it throws and flings me, it has become so complex.
2.  I remember The Monster-Headed Carousel Machine that is not normal.
3. I remember this is an operation to one’s open heart.
4. I remember the main ingredients in The Monster-Headed Carousel Machine are improvisation, memory and repetition
5. I remember I dream there is some hope.
6. I remember Stefanie saying art is to rethink life.
7. I remember I think I need a simple and consequent strategy to enter the chaos landfill of my Monster-Headed Carousel Machine and expose it`s topography of plenty.

….

B:

…..

1. I remember the film “Foreplay”. I play the main character Ruth. She is 15. I am 15.
2. I remember Traudl, the director, saying to me: You have to do some professional training, otherwise you will always depend on the directors.
3. I remember I read the letter from the UdK. You are accepted.
4. I remember the big grey working carpet on the factory floor in the Bundesallee
5. I remember standing in front of the carpet and practicing the task to let go of all private and mental states that distract energy.
6. I remember the carpet as a transition to the playfield. I remember the holy territory of the self-awareness battle with the other sixteen first semester students.
7.  I remember feeling guilty about that I would never ever being able to really explain what I saw and experienced there.
8. I remember the situation as ambiguous, nebulous, indefinite.
9. I remember it fascinated me, that I understand but never everything.

    C:

1. I remember the pony I'm sitting on in the carousel as quite small and uncomfortable.
2. I remember the horizon is diffused.
3. I remember everything is turning. Turning to not be stuck.
4. I remember Oracle Master Rainald Confused from the internet oracle getting into the carousel
5. I remember him saying: Ms. Reuter, relax. Not so twitchy. My motto from my last book BABBLE-AHEAD is:

ALWAYS FIRE AWAY LIKE NEW

FORGET EVERYTHING THAT YOU KNOW.

FORGET EVERYTHING THAT YOU KNOW.

ALWAYS FIRE AWAY.

1. I remember Rainald Confused says:

The self-improvement imperative for the artistic research of those who practice it, is quite easy:

NOTHING SHOULD BE FORGOTTEN FROM THE EVER EXPERIENCED.

FORGET EVERYTHING.

ALWAYS BE PRESENT.

PRODUCE IT EVER ANEW AS PROBLEMATIC EXPERIENCE-HISTORY

NOTHING WAS WRONG.

EVERYTHING WAS STUPID.

NO THOUGHT WAS EVER THOUGHT FOR NOTHING.

D:

…..

1. I remember my first meeting with the carousel in Frankfurt at the TAT.
2. I remember Elke Lang saying to me “Use your sensual antennae”
3. I remember my text is without any correlation to the others. No dialogue. No situation.
4. I remember the text fragment is my improvisational material
5. I remember we all talk messy to each other with the words of our characters.
6. I remember that the words getting new meanings and colours.
7. I remember Edi saying that in real life we do not know where we land during a conversation the way we do when we read a script and know what the other is answering
8. I remember being in this world demands a certain kind of attention.
9. I remember I call the carousel a dream carousel.
10. I remember the new principles I add to the other rules are: Anything can happen. Everything is possible and probable. Time and space do not exist . .

….

E:

…..

1. I remember the empractical appears at this level as an unconditional, reflection-less new beginning, as a causeless beginning, as a game, as a self-rolling wheel, as a first movement, as a sacred Yes-Say.
2. I remember I reach the other through what I feel.
3. I remember I know how to act according to a plan, but decide differently in certain situations, on an emotional level.
4. I remember I feel I would not reach my partner if I just play my programme and my own strategies.
5. I remember I feel, therefore I am
6. I remember knowledge cannot be reduced to scientific knowledge.
   1. I remember we have live-knowledge, which is not based on science.
   2. I remember knowledge-forms of this action are: Intuition, Premonition, Impulse, Desire, which are set in relation to certain wishes such as anxiety and longing.

….

It is about the sound of the body.

Atmospheres and my felt body.

1. I remember a shame grasps me.
2. I remember it concerns me.
3. I remember it crowds me
4. I remember I split myself when I observe my shame.
5. I remember on one hand I side with my shame and on the other I distance myself from my shame.
6. I remember how difficult it is to observe how I feel my feeling.
7. I remember I grow stiff in my fright.
8. I remember I lose my temper.
9. I remember the anger coming over me
10. I remember that the anger comes from the outside
11. I remember that the anger pushes on
12. I remember the attack character of the anger
13. I remember not all feelings are come so dynamic and alarming as anger and shame.
14. I remember love comes lingering.
15. I remember sorrow comes thronging.
16. I remember wide, tight, burdensome silence.

…..

       F:

1. I remember Mette enters the carousel.
2. I remember seeing her.
3. I remember that I hear her whispering:

Disincarnation

Constant becoming

An in-between identity that is never fixed but in constant becoming.

The unfinished nature of becoming

A constant movement

An ongoing process

No beginning, No middle, No end

Alice is becoming larger and smaller more and less simultaneously.

Alice in Wonderland is a character with an infinite identity or identity in constant variation or becoming

1. I remember asking:  Can I be a character with a non-fixed identity?

Alice does not have a fixed identity:

She is multiple things at once, a multiple subject.

1. I remember asking: Is Alice a nomad?
2. I remember that the autofictional character is a transgressive identity assemblage in the carousel

A nomadic character is always in the making, in

process, in becoming, moving around between different

stages, positions, and identities.

 [To top]

POP QUIZ developed by Reuter and Tranholm for the Epilog

The epilogue is the reflection that consists of five phases. The POP QUIZ belongs to Phase 4. HOW do I transform my performance experiences into know-how? Focus is on the theoretical aspects. 

Before the POP QUIZ:  Read one of the following texts (selection of theoretical texts for the CC) and make a 15-minute presentation of the selected text to the class. Discuss the context of the text. Which are the central points of the text? Which kind of acting tradition does this text represent? Which techniques do you recognise from your own performances?

POP QUIZ Level 1:

Deepening and cheering up reflection: THEORETICAL REALISATION

What would Stanislavski do?

a. Tell his actors that preparation is unnecessary?

b. Encourage his actors to immerse themselves physically and emotionally into the character?

c. Encourage his actors to speak directly to the audience?

What would Artaud do?

a. Tell his actors that mind and body are separate entities and the best way to understand the world is through the mind?

b. Encourage the actors to attack the senses of the audience?

c. Argue that the script is the most important scenic element?

What would Brecht do?

a. Argue that the actor should not be critical of the character he or she has to play?

b. Demand of his actors that they never speak directly to the audience?

c. Encourage his actors to enact a conscious split between self and role?

What would Lehmann do?

a. Tell his actors that the fictive cosmos is alive and well?

b. Argue that the personal biography of the performer is central?

c. Argue that the body of the performer is unimportant?

What would Tranholm do?

a. Argue that the contemporary actor jumps back and forth between acting techniques?

b. Argue that the contemporary actor is one-dimensional?

c. Encourage the contemporary actor to smooth over any tendencies towards a multiple personality?[1]

POP QUIZ Level 2: Which acting techniques did you apply in the carousel?

1. Konstantin Stanislavski: Did you live through someone else “as if” you were someone else belonging to a fictional world that you believed in 100 percent?
2. Bertolt Brecht: Did you feel a split between yourself and a role? Did you make the familiar strange? Did you break the stage illusion/the 4^th wall?
3. Antonin Artaud: Were you in contact with a more primitive animalistic side of yourself? Did you feel a bodily presence and alertness? Were your senses attacked, and did you attack the senses of the audience? 
4. Postdramatic: Did you perform yourself as opposed to a role? Did you make reference to your autobiography? 
5. Disincarnation: Did you jump back and forth between the techniques mentioned above?

 [To top]

Reflections and exercises on Space, light and atmosphere

Developed by Mari Lassen-Bergsten Kamsvaag and Marion Reuter for the Carousel Concept

Awareness of space: Become aware of yourself in the space to be able to operate more consciously

In a performance there is an audience

The view of the audience frames my experience of space.

I want to have the big picture of the stage, seen from the outside while being inside.

A mental map of the stage landscape.

And see it from viewing frame of the audience.

I want to listen to the space with all senses: Taking and giving space.

Spending time in space and discover the space not intellectually but through the senses.

How will you investigate a space when nobody is watching?

Can you navigate in the space blind?

What do you discover if you spend two hours without talking?

Memory creates space

Through repetition

What are we without history?

How do we create history together?

What does our bodily, mental and imaginary experiences tell in a room?

Investigate space through a play attitude:

A state of interest

A state of courage

A state of curiosity

A state of openness

A state of being tangible

A state of being permeable

A state of mobility

A state of need

A state of being hungry and thirsty

How do we build atmospheres?

12 components space can consist of:

1. Placement: Where are the elements on stage? Where is the space open? Relation between pauses and material, awareness about the room, the others and yourself. Where do I place myself within the bigger picture, from viewing frame of the audience? In relation to the other actors, elements in the room, audience, and the open space? I am my own compass.
2. Memory: How can actors create memories in the space, in rehearsal and for the audience? Make memories in the space that open up. Build language through memory. Memory creates secrets you can use as artistic material during performance.
3. Knowledge: How does it affect the space if this is a place with a certain history?
4. Sound: The music from the party in the flat above. The drone that never stops. Steps with echo. The sound of the shadow.
5. Smell: The smell of grandma’s waffles in between toy soldiers and stories of a war in a child’s memory.
6. Mood: The eyes of the people as you walk into a room.
7. Light: Light makes visible and hides. It colours, creates movement. Makes something ignite. How can light be a co-actor? In the church the light became God. How do you address the light then?
8. Temperature: The difference between inside and outside, awakens the senses on my skin.
9. Colours: The power that colours can give.
10. Architecture (Form des Raumes): The materials tell stories, shapes, voids, how the light comes in, references, volume, time. How is it to be in the space contra viewing the space from the outside?
11. Gaze: What do I make it possible for the audience to discover me? How do I want the audience to see me? As a priest, as a host, as an element of nature just being there as an animal seen or unseen in the forest? What do the audience see, hear, smell, taste? What did they hear first, and what does that give to the next? What does the illogical give? A horse that speaks about ownership? A piece of meat flying through the universe? The judge eating popcorn in the court? What does harmony give? A choir of voices in beautiful harmony? Twins that walk synchronically.
12. Rules: In the church I can change a room when I break the rules. I can create a rule through repetition.

 [To top]

1. WHAT`S THIS ABOUT?

2. IN SEARCH OF LANGUAGE:

NOT ME … NOT NOT ME in the Carousel. Questions about Self inspired by Hermann Schmitz

Forms of being in the carousel

Excerpts of my monolog “The Monster-Headed Carousel Machine”

POP QUIZ developed by Reuter and Tranholm for the Epilog of the CC

Reflections and exercises on Space, light and atmosphere

developed by Mari Lassen-Bergsten Kamsvaag and Marion Reuter

3. KNOWLEDGE & ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS